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The Red Shirt

Have you ever watched a movie where someone has a kind of film loop running through their head? It’s a real thing. Mine is Patrick, riding his bike, with a long sleeve red shirt and the baggy bike shorts I bought him for Christmas (with hidden padding so no one thought he was too serious about riding). He has an intense look on his face because that’s how he was when he was out riding. He viewed fitness as an obligation and he usually looked serious when he was working out, I think he might have liked it a little but he probably would argue with that.

I guess you will probably think it’s sad that I have these images of how he would have looked right before it happened? And I guess maybe it IS a little sad but I’m so used to it now. And yes, sometimes I let the film go forward a little and imagine what happened. I try not to do that too much because it is harder but it’s odd how much little details matter.

The day after his funeral, Mom and Pop (his parents), picked us up to drive to Porterville for Zio Angelo’s funeral. I sat in the back with the girls on either side of me. We needed to go to be with everyone and I was actually relieved that we didn’t have to be the focus anymore. While we were driving, Mom gave me a card she had been carrying around for Patrick and I. He had recently helped them put in a new mailbox and I had done their taxes. The card was to thank us and it included a gift card for dinner. She had been carrying it around since before he died. I knew that she needed to give it to me but I think it was really hard for both of us. I choked up a little but vowed to keep it together for the girls.

Then my phone rang. It was the funeral home, calling to tell me they had a few personal effects, the clothing he was wearing that day. They thought I might want it thrown out. I had been trying to determine what he was wearing. I can’t tell you why this was important but it just was. I thought it was the red shirt with black on the sleeves but I just wasn’t sure. I tried to ask without anyone in the car realizing what I was asking. I’m not sure how I did it but they confirmed it was the shirt. I told them that someone would pick the items up. I got off the phone and struggled to hold it together. I spoke to a Patrick in my head and begged him to help me hold it together and I really think he did.

We got to the church and the rosary was first. This was good because I bowed my head as if praying and just sobbed. I think the girls were sitting by their cousins and I had the teNyenhuis sisters-in-love with me and they just surrounded me. After the rosary there was a brief viewing/visitation and during this time I moved and sat away from the girls. I knew their aunts would be with them and I just needed to be away, just for a bit. I sat with Elisa, Marissa and Livia (Prandini cousins) and I think I actually stopped crying but it was nice to feel like I didn’t have to hold it together.

That great big beautiful family got me through that day. I love them all so much!

My sister picked up the clothing and it is packed away somewhere. Probably it should have been thrown out but I just couldn’t do it yet.

So I still have that little video playing. I know there are treatments for PTSD type things but I don’t think I really need it for this. It’s not constant and it’s not horrific. It’s just him, riding. I still can’t believe this happened. Over time it has gotten easier. I don’t cry very much, but it is still shocking every time I am reminded that he is gone. And I still wonder about the little details. I can’t help it. I don’t need to know them but maybe if I did it would be different and I wouldn’t wonder so much? So hard to know. Sixteen months later and I promise it is easier and I am mostly happy. When I write down these painful memories I feel like I am releasing them a bit. Thank you for helping with that.

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Village of Support

My mind didn’t let me believe it right away. My heart knew that Patrick was gone but I also knew that I was going to have to wait for confirmation. As the shock settled in, the first thing I thought was, “My house is a mess!” I realize that people don’t care about these things at times like this but I knew, without a doubt, that a lot of people would be in my house that day.

When you are born into the Hatch, Boyles, Prandini or teNyenhuis families, you know that family is everything. I am so lucky and blessed that ALL of our extended families are pretty similar when it comes to caring about each other. Family is extremely important. And “family” is a loose term because all of these families are known to “adopt” anyone who starts hanging around, lol. One of the things that these families do best is support each other. So, when I realized Patrick was gone, I also knew that I would be encircled in love and support. I only actually told a few people, but spreading the word is also a given for all of these families. As I sat in shock that morning, the “Village” of my family sprang into action. Calls were made and plans established to ensure that we were taken care of that day and the days that followed. For the first few weeks my job was to just get through each day. There were people to take care of anything. I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude.

Since then I have often reflected on the amazing amount of love I felt during that time. People always tell me how strong I was but how can you not be strong when you have so much support? Since then I’ve watched other people go through similar experiences and they also had a lot of support. But I realize that there are tragedies every day and we never hear about the ones where there is no one around to help the family.

In April there was a shooting spree in Fresno and four people died. One of the victims had just started working for the same company as my brother and was killed on the job. My brother told me that his fellow employees did a lot of fundraising for their coworkers family. They also contacted the other families to offer help. Some of the other families indicated that no one else had reached out to them. So, having support is contingent on whether or not you were lucky enough to be born into a large family, marry into one, or both and whether or not you have a large social network. I thought about what those first few days and weeks would have been like if I were alone and I couldn’t even imagine it.

In November we relived our experience in the worst way when my best friend’s dad, Ron Stebles, was hit and killed. I felt so awful for the family but this time I at least had an idea of what to do. The first thing is food! The family is in shock and they need sustenance. I was staying with Cathy, who had been there for me but I knew I could call my family and before long Denise and Denny arrived with food and water. They were happy to help because they were also grateful for the support we received.

In May, I watched my friend, Sarah Beasley, go through the tragic loss of her son Aaron. I was able to respond in a way that I knew would have been helpful to me and an idea begin to form. I have all this gratitude and so do a lot of other people. Why don’t we pay it forward by being there for families who are not fortunate enough to have the support we have?

I am thrilled to be starting Village of Support to do this. Initially it is going to be a Facebook group of volunteers. As there is a need I will post it and whoever is available right then can offer to help. The list of ways we can help is just starting. Number one is food but there are also things like helping the family navigate through all of the business that needs to happen (funeral arrangements, etc). Maybe it will involve just sitting with someone or helping them with household chores. I suspect that we will come up with a long list of items as well as volunteers and/or experts with a specific skill. I’m going to need a lot of help because I’ve never done anything like this before. But, I have a Village and it grows every day! If you have ideas please keep them coming. If we can do even one small thing to make the process of losing a loved one easier to get through then we will have succeeded.

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Steam Donkeys

Yesterday marked 16 months without Patrick. I’ve been in a pretty good place emotionally but at the same time I still miss him. I love that I can hear his voice anytime I want on videos. I was watching more videos and wanted to share a few more that were meaningful. MTA is a standard Bluegrass song that he’s played for years. I love his corny joke at the beginning and I love his singing. I sang in choir for years so I can be a little critical and early on I didn’t exactly enjoy his voice (I know that’s awful to say). After years of practice he had a really nice voice. Abdul has a great voice too so he took the lead on a lot of songs but Patrick is singing this one. 🙂 MTA

I also realized that there was another song that really showed his improved banjo skills so I wanted to share that one too. This was always played right after Peace, Love and Understanding. I think you can tell how happy he was to play it too. Little Sister

I can’t remember if I’ve already shared this story, if so, I apologize. My sister and brother-in-law met Abdul at work and they became great friends with he and his wife, Shannon. Dawan and Abdul both have birthdays in February and in 2012 they had a combined party. Abdul’s son plays in a Bluegrass band called The Creak and they were going to be playing at the party. Dawan wanted Patrick to meet Abdul and Patrick was excited that he could bring his banjo for a jam session afterwards. The party was nice with great food and drinks and the band was really good. Afterward they all played for a long time. As we drove home Patrick told me, “I know this was Dawan and Abdul’s party, but I really feel like it was especially for me, I had so much fun.”

After that Patrick and Abdul regularly got together to jam, eventually calling themselves Grass Half Full. The following February we were talking and I mentioned that Dawan and Tom were in Hawaii. He said, “I KNOW! They took Abdul with them!” I laughed and said, “Well, it was for his birthday.” And he said, “I know, but it is OUR anniversary! That pretty much summed up how much he enjoyed Abdul’s friendship. They continued playing together and even had a gig or two.

Dina and Jeff arranged for them to play at the Central Sierra Historical Society and Museum. While they were there they were asked if they knew any songs about logging or the Shaver Lake area. Since there weren’t any songs Patrick sat down with Jeff and gathered some area history and then over the course of a few weeks in early 2013 he wrote 8 songs. They renamed themselves The Steam Donkey’s after the machine used in logging and one of the songs he had written. Patrick designed a t-shirt logo and had t-shirts made.

One evening they were practicing and I came across an email from Mike Kuhl, my cousin Keith’s best friend who we now consider family. Mike wanted to know if Patrick still went to monthly Bluegrass jam sessions. I told him that he mostly played with a friend and I was actually sitting on the couch listening to them. I asked why he was asking. He replied that he finally bought a stand up bass and wanted to play it. I told him he should come over right now. Then I told the guys and they said, ” We need a bass player, tell him he’s in the band!” He didn’t come that night but they eventually got together and the band became three.

They had a lot of fun for the next few years, mostly just jamming together but they played at least 5 times in Shaver and once in Clovis.

Abdul moved down south so they weren’t playing as often but had a concert scheduled for June of 2016. Like everyone else they were devastated when he died.

Abdul recorded a video for the memorial service that was included with the slide show I previously posted. Here is the link to the video of Abdul. Abdul’s Memorial video

He sent the link the Sunday after Patrick died. This happened to be the same day as the season premiere of Game of Thrones, a show that we had all watched together. We had all been at Dawan and Tom’s but the girls came home early to watch the premier. They were very happy that the character Jon Snow was brought back to Life by Melisandre, the Red Priestess. When I got home I sat on the couch with them to watch the video. It was very emotional since we could see how much Abdul was hurting. After it ended we all sat there crying. After a few minutes I was getting worried that they were still crying. Sierra looked up and said, “I just wish the Red Lady would bring Dad back too.” We all looked at each other and started laughing. It was the kind of thing their Dad would say. I knew we were gonna be alright.

Abdul got the tattoo below on his arm in memory of all the good times.

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Hiking

The week in Hawaii went by so quickly! We had a great time and I think Patrick would have approved.

Patrick was so full of life, and now that he is gone I feel like we should really LIVE for him! Yesterday we tried to go snorkeling at Hanauma Bay but got there too late and we weren't able to park.

We had planned to go to Diamondhead after Hanauma Bay so we just went there instead. It was exactly the kind of thing Patrick would have enjoyed. He loved to be outdoors! And although this was a pretty tame hike, he would have enjoyed the beautiful views. I couldn't help but reminisce about other hikes over the years.

While we were still in college, several of us decided to hike Half Dome. I was several years removed from being an athlete but how hard could it be? We stocked up on provisions like sodas, chips, and beer. There might have been some sandwiches and water but we mainly carried the worst possible things for a hike like that. Dan and Amy were with us and on the way up either the guys ditched us or we mutually agreed for them to go ahead. We were a little slow but I was determined to make it to the top. Did I mention that no one checked the weather forecast? 🤣🤣🤣 Years later Dina would marry Jeff Young and he would teach Patrick how to seriously hike. Back then, we were young and stupid!

As Amy and I reached the base of Half Dome the guys were coming down and thunder clouds were rolling in. We didn't get to go up. I was disappointed and exhausted from the climb. We started down and hey, someone forgot to tell me that my legs would hurt worse on the way down! Then it started raining and our path soon became a slippery river! Patrick stayed with me and protected me on the way down. I'm not going to lie, I clutched his hand and cried most of the way down! And yet he still stayed with me and loved me! ❤️❤️❤️

We always intended to hike more but we were at such different ability levels. And I was never fit enough to do the kind of hikes he loved. Jeff introduced Patrick and his brothers to real hiking. They all worried that someone would die but Jeff always got them back in one piece, even the time they sent the guy with the worst sense of direction to get water! My husband could get lost driving home!

Our last family hike was the Ontario Ridge trail in the summer of 2014 in Avila Beach. It was almost 3 miles and my Fitbit counted the equivalent of 77 flights of stairs. The way up was okay but there were a few times that Patrick steadied me or took my hand to pull me up. I had been working out and I was proud that I could do the hike. The view from the top was beautiful. The way down was steep and slippery. He patiently helped me down as the girls waited at the bottom. It was a fun day and I'm so grateful for that memory.

There are so many things that I would not have been able to do without Patrick by my side. He was my rock. He gave me such a good life and so many good memories! I still have times that I wonder how I can possibly go on. And there are other times that I am amazed at the gifts he has given me. I credit his love for the girls and I with giving me the strength to keep going. There are still times that I stumble but usually someone is there to help me up. And always there is his voice, telling me "you can do this!"

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FEELing

We went to Pearl Harbor yesterday. Dawan didn't go but texted me while we were gone. I told her it was hard because I just FEEL everything so much more now. My emotions are magnified at a place like Pearl Harbor. She knew exactly what I was talking about. We've talked a lot about how we are more empathetic now. I think the girls were affected too. They requested happy music when we got back in the car. Sierra said she had never felt so patriotic before. I'm glad that they got to experience it. As usual, I was thinking of the widows and families and how their futures were shattered. I know many of the men were really young but I'm sure that some had wives or girlfriends back home. I wonder how their lives turned out?

I still find it amazing that what I am going through is not unique. I hear new stories every day, yet before Patrick died, I was blissfully unaware of how fragile my perfect life was. If my writing has no other impact, I hope that I encourage you to embrace life, show your love, and don't wait for the "perfect time" to follow your dreams. Life is precious. Love is precious!

Today I am lying by the pool, enjoying a nice breeze and looking at the clouds for signs. If I see a particularly corny or obscene shape, I consider it a gift from my husband. ❤️ Mostly I'm just enjoying being here. I also FEEL other things more. I'm grateful that I have a good life and for the love that always surrounds me. I'm lonely, but it could be so much worse. I'm grateful to be in such a beautiful place and to have my girls with me. 😊

When vacation is over I'm probably going to be making a change. I'm not sure what yet but my next step will be volunteering or getting a job. One step at a time, my new life. For now I think I will just stare at the clouds and remember. 😊❤️❤️❤️

 

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Milestones

Monday marked the one year anniversary of my blog. I'm happy to celebrate something that has been so therapeutic for me! I enjoy writing the blog because it keeps Patrick's memory alive.

Bereaved people often comment that one of the hardest things they experience is never hearing their loved ones name. People are afraid to bring it up, don't know what to say or just don't think about it. Some of them comment that they have been told they should be "over it". I'm happy to say that no one has ever told me that but I did have a few times when I felt people weren't mentioning him to protect me. Thankfully most people know that his name can be mentioned in my presence.

The blog is also a way for me to see that I am doing better. I'm in a much better place emotionally than I was a year ago. That gives me hope that it will continue to get easier.

This week we went to orientation at UC Davis. Camille was a little nervous and, of course, I'm a little anxious about sending her off to college. But I am so excited for the opportunities she will have! I really enjoyed hearing about all of the programs they have and I can't wait to see all that she does!

Of course Patrick was on my mind the whole time. He would have been so proud and excited! We had a chance to meet some of the Biology professors and I just listened but I'm sure he would have asked a lot of scientific questions! Sierra was with me in the family sessions which was nice. There were some individual parents but plenty of couples and I think it would have been hard to be alone.

On the way there I couldn't help but remember all of my drives to Stockton and how excited I always was to see Patrick. This is going to sound odd but part of me wanted to go to UOP and look for him. I think it's just my mind's way of showing disbelief that he is gone. We took I-5 so we could see the tower in the distance. I thought about taking the girls there but that's not what our trip was about and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

Instead I just smiled at the memories and enjoyed the time with the girls. I know he was there in spirit, beaming with pride!

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Five months later – 9/21/16

This was originally posted on 9/21/16. Transferring from the old blog! 😊

Yesterday marked five months without Patrick. In many ways it feels like yesterday. I find it odd to think about all of the things that have changed. I’ve made little changes such as rearranging things in the kitchen cabinets, moving the wine rack and putting up pictures. I don’t want to erase him from memory but somehow these little changes seem to help.

Grief is a much longer and harder process than I ever imagined. I’m not sure why that is so surprising to me. I have had experience with tragic situations in the past but nothing that I was this close to. And no one talks about it. We just all assume that it is easy to move on, that people adjust to their new reality and the unpleasant grief goes away. So far, that has not been my experience.

Right after Patrick died a friend shared a Facebook group called Widows Hope with me. The first few times I saw posts I almost deleted it because it was SO sad and did NOT make me feel hopeful. “It’s been two years and I still cry every day,” or “It’s been five years but it seems like it was yesterday”. As time went on I did start to see more hopeful posts but I also came to realize that this is a place where people can bare their souls without worrying about upsetting others and sometimes when you are grieving you really need that!

I appreciate everyone’s kind thoughts and comments each time I post something but I don’t want you to always be sad for me. I am not writing this as a cry for help or attention. This is really just my way of healing and hopefully in the process sharing that it is okay to grieve.

I don’t want this to be the end of my story. I have a lot of life ahead of me and I hope that there comes a time when my loss is not the first thing people think of when they see me. I don’t want anyone to forget Patrick or assume that I have but I look forward to a time when the emotions are not so raw and painful. I love you all! Thank you for helping me on this journey!

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Everything has changed

I was driving today and it occurred to me that every single thing I was wearing has been purchased after Patrick died. This included the watch, the ring on my right hand, and even my purse and phone. Even the car I was driving was purchased "after". Such an odd feeling. I know I look at least a little different too but he would still recognize me. Still, it takes a long time for things to change this much.

In the last week or so I finally got around to taking his name off joint credit accounts. Honestly it wasn't a huge priority for me. I didn't realize that he was the primary cardholder on some of them. A day or two later an Amazon order didn't go through. After finally calling the company I realized that removing his name actually closed the account. I only had a small balance because I use it to get reward points and pay it off each month. I had to listen to a long disclosure explaining how I wasn't responsible for the charges. I finally interrupted to tell them that I just wanted to pay it off and reapply in my name. I guess I have been committing fraud all this time.

I'm still learning new things about being a widow. I probably should have changed everything over a long time ago but I basically did the necessities and then have dealt with others when ready. I am actually lucky in this respect as some widows don't have the luxury of letting things sit like that. For many widows, losing their husband has a terrible financial impact. Those whose spouse had long illnesses have used up any savings to pay for medical bills and loss of income. Many couldn't afford life insurance. I am grateful that Patrick could and it has at least made things a little easier. When the accounts were closed I realized what a bind that could potentially put a widow or widower in if they suddenly lost access to credit accounts.

I decided it would be a good idea to run a free credit report on him. And I COULD NOT remember his social security number! I couldn't believe it! I've had that number memorized for years!! I know it was just a momentary lapse but it was another reminder of how much has changed. Luckily there were no red flags in the credit report.

I'm sure there will continue to be changes but hopefully they can continue to happen gradually. Change can be good but it's also comforting to hold on to some of the familiar.

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What would Patrick do?

I’m sure I’ve mentioned how much we enjoy imagining how Patrick would react in different situations. He had such a crazy sense of humor and we all knew him so well that it’s not hard to predict how he would react to particular situations. I used to be embarrassed or horrified at his reactions but now I just miss the constant entertainment. Predicting his reaction is my way of keeping his memory alive. The bonus is that it is easier and less painful to smile and laugh than to cry. 

Last summer my sister Dawan suggested we join her family in Catalina for their annual vacation with her husband’s family. It was the kind of distraction we needed last summer and we had a great time. 

We went in the midst of the Pokémon Go craze and we spent a lot of time chasing Pokémon. It helped us work off all of the yummy dinners and snacks. If you’re not familiar with the game, it involves using your smart phone and walking around to find virtual characters and then catch them. I realize that a lot of people thought it was a ridiculous way to spend time, especially for a middle-aged mom like me! I didn’t care because it made me smile!

At some point it occurred to me that Patrick never knew about this game and I mentioned to the girls that he would have had a field day with it. First we would have had a long discussion to explain the game to him. It would be a serious discussion but he would be mocking us the whole time. When he “understood” the game he would probably then suggest that he play it with us. We would remind him for the thousandth time that he did not have a smart phone. He would reply that he had three and then try to get one of us to give him one of those three phones. And there would be no way any of us would let him touch our phones because who knew what he might do with them?!

When he figured out that we weren’t going to give in, he would announce that he could play on his flip phone. Then he would proceed to play an exaggerated version of the game. His version might involve climbing a tree, hopping up and down or using stealth moves. And I’m sure that his version would have special Pokémon that only he could catch. They would have names like alutnarat, booger, and diputs. Or maybe they would be called nystagmus or syncope (two names he actually proposed as baby names). We all had a good laugh imagining his reaction and it made playing the game even more fun!

We just got back from our second trip to Catalina with the Utecht’s and Brandlin’s. This time we added a few teNyenhuis kids to our entourage. Sierra has a “twin” cousin, Dominic. They were born on the same day in the same hospital and Monday was their twenty-first birthday and Catalina was the perfect place to celebrate! We had a great time!


This year was easier than last year. I didn’t seem to notice every single happy couple and I didn’t cry at all. I’m not going to say that I didn’t miss him. I miss him every day and especially when I’m having a great time because he should be there too, right? It’s just a little easier to bear now.

I saw the No Turkeys Allowed sign in Catalina. I think I remember seeing it last year too but it didn’t catch my attention. I happened to be walking by it alone and there were people sitting in the yard it was in. I was almost overcome by a sudden urge to ask them why I couldn’t bring my turkey there. Then I thought of Patrick and I knew he absolutely would have said something. He would have started a crazy rant about discriminating against turkeys. The people would have thought he was crazy. I would have needed to drag him away in embarrassment. I never thought I would miss that but I would give anything for him to annoy me now! He was crazy and unforgettable and that makes it easy for me to imagine him in situations that never happened. He still makes me laugh and laughter is good. ❤️❤️❤️

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I need a Patrick funny!

My friend, Dawn, lost her father today. I never met him and I have only really known her since Patrick died. She has been a good friend. One of the first things she told me, and I think she would be okay with me sharing this, is that Patrick was one of her work crushes! I had an immediate bond with her because he was my work crush too! And, I know that he was the kind of guy that people had crushes on. I was okay with this because I knew I had his heart. In the short time I have known Dawn I have come to realize that she was extremely close to her father and I know she must be in a lot of pain.

Dawn enjoyed Patrick’s sense of humor and we’ve enjoyed sharing stories of his antics from the other side of his life (home vs work). I am truly blessed to have met her. Today she told me she needed a Patrick funny so this is for her! It’s more than just a funny so you’ll have to read through it to get to that part! I enjoyed reading it again just now and I put it here to preserve the memory.  I hope you will enjoy it too.

Letter from Dan Snider shortly after Patrick’s death (with Dan’s permission)

I heard about the tragic news. I am writing to you with a heavy heart. Laura and I are extremely saddened.

Since I heard on Wednesday afternoon, Laura and I have prayed for comfort for you and your daughters. Memories of Pat have been often in my mind in the last few days.

I would like to share with you some of my memories and what Pat meant to me in the decade that I was fortunate to have worked with him and got to know him. Danell, I know most people refer to Pat as Patrick but he told me I could call him Pat as this is how I knew him. I am not doing this at all to show any disrespect but because that is how I knew him and it seems natural for me.

The last time I saw Pat was at the Clovis Recreation Department approximately 2 years ago where he played floorball. I had just finished a practice session with my children’s basketball team and I saw Pat standing by the entrance as I was leaving. We talked for a few minutes catching up briefly on work and our families. It was nice to talk with him.

Two Saturday’s ago (April 9th), I took my daughter to shoot basketball at Clovis East around 7:00 PM. In the parking lot by the soccer and baseball field, my daughter sees this vehicle parked and says, “Dad, look at the van, now that is cool.” I believe the vehicle there that night was Pat’s as I know his VW van, as I used to see it parked at his outpatient clinic all the time over the last 11 years. I was about to go see if it was Pat but was running late and decided not to. I am disappointed that I did not. The Sunday of April 17th I was reading the sports page and saw your daughter Camille’s name in the paper as part of the Clovis East championship soccer team. Seeing her name brought memories back to me of Pat, you and your family. Then last Wednesday Olga shared with me the news of Pat.

As I believe you know, Pat and I went to the same physical therapy school and he was a year ahead of me. There was a student in Pat’s class that was older at the time named Dennis Fearing. Dennis decided that school was moving too fast while raising a family and ended up finishing in the class I graduated in. I became very good friends with Dennis. I helped Dennis with his studies at times during physical therapy school. He mentioned to me that there was this super smart guy in his class the year before. He told me this guy had a photographic memory and when a teacher asked a question this guy would give a speech like it was coming from a textbook and his name was Patrick teNyenhuis. Dennis was extremely impressed by Pat. As you may also know, I ended up working with Pat at the VA because I also received a scholarship from the VA and owed them time.

I greatly appreciated Pat and your kindness towards me when I began working at the VA. Coming to your house for several parties and Pat organizing my local bachelor party, I will never forget. I am grateful to you both for being at my wedding in Las Vegas. I also remember going to dinner with you and Pat, I believe in the Tower district and seeing Mission Impossible. 

As I read an article in the paper recently about Pat and his joy of brewing, playing the banjo and floorball, it brought a smile to my face. I remember Pat playing his banjo at lunch time in this small office next to my desk at work. As I understand it, he became quite an accomplished banjo player. I remember when Pat began to play floorball and now I read that he was on a traveling team. I also remember how much Pat loved his beer. Another thing Pat loved that comes to my mind every time I think of him is his VW van. I remember when he purchased it and how happy he was and all the work he told me he put in it refurbishing it. That vehicle is a part of who he was. I remember when Pat shared the news of when you were pregnant with both of your children and the smile he had. Pat told me when you were pregnant with Sierra that “he slipped one past the goalie.” Pat’s dry sense of humor is something that I missed a lot when he left the VA.

After I graduated PT school and began working at the VA, I had to take a licensure exam. I took the licensure exam several months after beginning my work at the VA. I had to drive to Los Angeles to take it, no internet at the time. Pat knew I was nervous about finding out the results and at that time the results came 4-6 weeks later in the mail. Pat stated to me on several occasions that the easiest way to know you passed is if you receive a yellow envelope. He stated that people who failed received a white envelope. I am usually not that gullible but Pat sold it real well. The day I received my exam results and saw a white envelope, I was crushed until I actually opened the envelope and found out that Pat messed with me. Pat had shared priceless stories with me about his first year at the VA before I got there and his interaction with the physical therapist I replaced. They are not appropriate stories to share at this time, but I still bust up laughing when I think of them.

Although Pat had only one year experience more than me, I felt he was a mentor to me. Pat began the casting program at the VA and taught me how to do them. Since then I have taught many people. The thing I admired about Pat was his work ethic. He was always at work on time and worked his full shift without cutting corners. He never cheated the VA out of one minute of work. He had the highest integrity and was extremely ethical. Pat walked the talk so to speak. It was easy for me to want to work with someone like that. I have been around a lot of physical therapists over the years and there is no one better than Pat!

I will greatly miss Pat and I will never forget him. He was part of my work life for 12 years. I feel honored and privileged to have known him. Laura and I pray for you and your daughters. God bless you and your family.

I am so grateful to have stories like this to share and remember Patrick. By the way, he was Pat when I met him too and for the next 14 years. In 1999, or sometime shortly before, he decided that Patrick was a more grown up name and decided that he would be “Patrick in 2000”. At the time this really annoyed me but once Patrick was committed to something, it was pointless to resist. I changed to Patrick like everyone else and now it is how I remember him.  Please feel free to share any other funny stories in the comments. Dawn could use the laugh today!