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Sheltered at home

This is not the pandemic I imagined. Years ago I read The Stand by Stephen King. And I always thought a pandemic would look something like that, with a really high death rate. So in some ways this is a better scenario, but it’s also worse. I never imagined that the whole world could be affected so quickly. And, I never imagined that so much would be shut down.

I’ve tried to do some reading during this. If I read about normal activities like social gatherings or eating out I catch myself wondering how they are able to do that. Has this happened to anyone else? Normal activities seem like such a novelty. And even though it’s only been 5 weeks or so, it feels like it’s been a lot longer.

When this first started, my sister Dawan showed me the Johns Hopkins site with the COVID-19 map. I noticed her taking a screen shot of the numbers so I did too. And then I obsessively kept taking screen shots twice a day. I’m not even completely sure why I did that. My counselor brain says that the whole thing was so unknown that I wanted to find some sort of predictable pattern. I estimated that I took these screen shots for a few weeks but I just looked at the date stamps and it was only 5 days. When I took the first picture, on March 15th, California had 368 confirmed cases and 5 deaths. On March 20th that number had risen to 1,030 confirmed cases and 18 deaths. Four weeks later we are now at 28,157 confirmed cases and 973 deaths. That number will probably increase as I write this. But, it’s actually not as high as I had envisioned and it doesn’t seem to be growing as fast. So, hopefully the social distancing is working.

I’ve been wanting to get back to writing but it’s been difficult to decide exactly what I want to say. When I’m in pain, the words just pour out but now I probably tend to overthink what I’m writing. But I feel that history needs to be recorded so this is my way of documenting what is happening.

This pandemic has effected our society in profound ways. I know we will feel the effects for years and we will probably never return to the “normal” that we used to know. Not to minimize all of this but I have to say that I am extremely grateful for this gift of extra time with Sierra, Camille, and Bethany. Sierra (and her cat Gidget) moved back on March 14th. That same day, Bethany flew home from the Culinary Art Institute in New York. Camille stayed in Davis for a few more days as she studied for finals. But on Monday the 16th I started hearing about the possibility of sheltering in place and I asked Camille to come home. I was so relieved to have them home! Beth splits time between our place and her moms. Since both households take social distancing seriously we feel that is ok. When she is with us we eat WELL! Lately we’ve been getting sourdough bread each day! Last week she made the Disneyland Churro recipe and it was yummy! She also made enough cinnamon rolls to deliver some to my immediate family members. We enjoyed getting out for some social distance visits.

I’m used to getting my girls for long stretches but it’s nice to have them here together. I am just soaking in all the memories and enjoying my time with them. 💕💕 I am especially grateful for the time with Beth. When she graduates we know she will probably not end up in town so this is time we would have never had with her. I’m getting to know her so much better and she and the girls enjoy their time together.

So, for me, the quarantine has had a silver lining. I’m also grateful that Bruce is still employed and I will be again soon. I have one week of class left and then I will apply for registration as an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC). Once I get my registration number, I will start working for Omega Mental Health as a paid employee! Until then I will continue seeing my clients via Telehealth.

My work has changed in many ways. Telehealth can be impersonal but I am also getting a glimpse into my client’s homes and I think that has been a good thing. The first few weeks we mainly talked about the impact the quarantine had on people and things they could do to decrease anxiety and depression. For some, being isolated has become their number one problem. For others, being quarantined removed a lot of their day to day problems. I think it has been a good learning experience and I do feel that I’m helping.

So, I’m sure you are wondering what I tell my clients. Here is my recipe for improving your mood and decreasing anxiety:

  • CONNECTION- Find ways to connect with friends and family members. Zoom meetings are great and you can get a free account. You can share your screen and play games together. Check out jackbox.tv for multiplayer games. My favorite are Drawful 2 and Trivia Murder Party. Consider doing a social distance visit where you stand 6-10 feet apart, talk, do air hugs, etc.
  • LIMIT NEWS UPDATES – I check the news in the morning and before I go to bed. I’m a news junkie and I could spend the whole day reading about COVID-19 but it’s really not healthy.
  • CHECK OUT THE AMAZING THINGS that entertainers and average people are doing while quarantined. Here are some of my favorites on YouTube: The Tonight Show at Home Edition, SGN – Some Good News with John Krasinski, Stay Homas – 3 Italian roommates who formed a band! Or just search COVID-19 or quarantine.
  • STRUCTURE and ROUTINE – If you work from home or do school online this is fairly easy. If not, try to stick to consistent bed times and plan out your day. Maybe get dressed in real clothes occasionally?
  • FIND PURPOSE – my mom is sewing masks to donate to hospitals. If you have that ability that’s a great thing to do. Other ideas are to do something artistic, musical, or educational. I’m not saying that you need to do something worthwhile or altruistic. The whole point is to find something that brings you joy.
  • Finally, realize that there is no road map or manual for this. Do what works for you. If it makes you feel good, do more of that. If it makes you sad, do less.

Hang in there!

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The day I married Batman

Do you like the title? Bruce is probably tired of all of the Batman references but we definitely had fun with them! The last 4 months have flown by and I haven’t felt like I had enough time to really write about this. Today I thought it might be a good distraction.

The wedding turned out exactly as planned, well except for the one special request I had… but I will get to that later! I think I spent close to two years planning my first wedding and we pulled this one off in a few months! We picked Thanksgiving weekend so, of course, it was a busy time. It was also the first big holiday since we moved into our house so we decided to do Thanksgiving dinner at our house.

Bruce’s mom, Carrol, and his stepdad, Joe, arrived on Thanksgiving morning. This was the first time the girls and I met them so it was nice to have a few days to get acquainted. I also wanted them to meet some of my family so they weren’t overwhelmed on the day of the wedding. We had a great visit!

The night before the wedding Bruce stayed in a hotel. I was a bundle of nerves and I had planned to pack for our Minnie-moon and I probably would have found other ways to stress myself out! I sat up talking with Carrol and Joe instead and by the time I went to bed I was completely relaxed.

The next day flew by as I had my hair done by Gaby and Mia Castillo and Sierra did my makeup. Finally Cathy and I headed to the venue. Bruce picked up the girls after we left and they arrived a little later. Here are a few “before” pics.

Sierra, Bethany, & Camille
Cathy and I

Denise, Dawan, and I

When it was time to start, Matt escorted my mother-in-law Barbara in, my Dad escorted my step-mom Kandra in, Bruce escorted his Mom and Denny escorted my Mom. Then we had Sierra, Bethany and Camille walk in together, followed by best man and matron of honor Gavin and Cathy. I wanted the wedding to be a little unique so I entered with the opening to Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” and walked down the aisle to “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles. And I was very happy to be walked down the aisle by my Pop, Andre teNyenhuis. Pop made it clear that he was “presenting me”, not giving me away!

Pop walking me down the aisle
Bruce watching me walk in 💕💕💕

My dad officiated and made sure it was memorable by reading an entire paragraph for the ring exchange and then asking Bruce to repeat it! Bruce and I wrote our own vows. His vows included the promise to provide me with really good health insurance and I promised to never quiz him on my family’s names.

Somehow this is the only picture I got with my brother Denny!
Mr. & Mrs. Bruce Wayne Black!

At the reception we were toasted by Gavin, Cathy, Denny, & Sierra. Denny managed to include the Batman theme and a lot of crowd participation. We had a great time at the reception and then it all ended too quickly. I’m going to let the pictures tell the rest of the story but before I forget, the one thing that went wrong…. I thought I was doing a good thing hiring a charity bartender but I was disappointed with their service. I requested two special drinks, in advance, and they did not bring them! Anyone who knows me well can probably guess that one was Diet Pepsi. The other was Diet Mountain Dew for Bruce. So yeah, all in all it was a perfect day! ❤️❤️❤️

The Smith family
Our parents! ❤️❤️❤️ Dad & Kandra, Carrol & Joe, my Momma, Mom & Pop
The wedding party!
Our cake
#TOTHEMOONANDBLACK
Entering the reception
The happy couple
First dance
First day of our Minnie Moon and also my birthday!
#HAPPILYMARRIED
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Triggers

I’m supposed to be sleeping. I’m supposed to be in a good place. I’m happy and I have an amazing husband. I also apparently have some unresolved grief.

On Sunday, when I saw the breaking news alert about Kobe Bryant, I immediately thought of my good friends Lisa Walthall and Diana Durham. They are both huge Lakers fans and they’ve each taken me to Lakers games. I imagined that it would hit them hard. I enjoy any professional sports but I don’t really follow them a lot. I ran downstairs to tell Bruce the news and then I sat down in front of the TV and obsessively watched the news for hours. And I got sadder and sadder. Sierra texted Camille and I to say “I love you”. I asked if they had heard the news and they had and Sierra said that’s why she had texted. We texted back and forth a bit about how awful it was and then I continued watching the news.

I tend to be a news junkie when something bad happens. I worried that Bruce would think I was obsessed but honestly I WAS obsessed! Who was in the helicopter with him? How many children did he have? Were they with him? at first the news said there were five people. This is going to sound terrible but at one point I thought he had 3 kids. So, if he happened to be the pilot of his helicopter, it was possible he was flying the whole family. So then I was agonizing over whether or not they would all be in there. As horrible as that would have been, it would have meant that no one was left behind. Then I found out he had 4 daughters and I felt sick at the thought that possibly one member of the family was left behind. What if it was a kid? How do you come back from that?

After several hours I started realizing that I had probably watched enough. I was going to turn off the tv but I watched a news conference first. And they said there were 9 people on the plane!!! Once again I obsessed over the possible scenarios, each worse than the others. Finally I turned off the tv, spent time with Bruce and tried to feel better. By then it was evening. I went to bed wondering why this was hitting me so hard.

Once in bed, I still couldn’t sleep. I thought about Nancy Saltzman, who loss her husband and two sons in a plane crash. I credit her book, Radical Survivor, for giving me hope in those early days. I was positive that if I had lost Patrick AND the girls, I would not have wanted to live without them. If Nancy could survive that, surely I could survive losing my husband and still having my daughters.

I checked Nancy’s Facebook page and she hadn’t posted anything but she had shared a post from Michelle Neff Hernandez, who I recognized as the founder of Soaring Spirits International, a support group for widows and widowers. I’m putting a link to the full message below but basically it talked about wondering how Vanessa Bryant was coping and recognizing that some of us have gone through similar losses.

Facebook Post

After reading that, everything fell into place. Even though this tragedy was not the exact circumstances, it was close enough to trigger painful memories. I also know I’m not alone, many of my fellow widows and others who have lost loved ones were also feeling incredibly sad.

I drove to work Monday wondering if I was fit to do counseling. I have an ethical duty to monitor my fitness to counsel. I felt ok but I also continued to monitor myself. At one point I talked to my coworker, Andrew, and shared what I was feeling. He validated my feelings and reassured me. That night I talked a bit more about what I had been feeling and Bruce thanked me for sharing and asked how he could help. Did I mention that he is wonderful?

As the week wore on I wasn’t really feeling any better. I talked about it during supervision at work and decided I should probably go back to counseling myself. I’m realizing that there are certain parts of this journey that I have not let myself feel. It’s easy to do. In fact, people told me I was doing it and I really didn’t believe them. Sometimes suppressing feelings is a survival mechanism and I did what I needed to do. But I pushed a lot deep inside me and now it needs to get out.

Last night I was at a low point and I cuddled up with Bruce and told him the story of that day. I thought I had already told him. I thought I talked about it all the time. But apparently I mainly share happy memories. I shared all of the really painful ones and had a good cry. It was a good start to a new journey I have to take. Since I’m a counselor now I’ve decided that this is a learning opportunity for me. I’m going to try a few different approaches and I’m going to try and write more, since that really helps me. As always, thank you to everyone for your support. ❤️❤️❤️

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Say their name

Yesterday I attended a memorial service for my cousin Kimberly Jordan’s step-son, Cody Jordan. He struggled with addiction and his life ended way too soon. I didn’t really know him that well but his death had a huge impact on a lot of people.

After losing Patrick I kind of feel like I’m supposed to be some sort of expert on grief. Especially now that I am doing my counseling internship. At funerals, I want to go up to people and say something comforting. The truth is, there’s really nothing anyone can say to take away the pain. I have learned a few things that help.

Say their name – I know I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating. I can’t speak for everyone but most grieving people appreciate the acknowledgment that their person existed and is now gone. In fact, at first, it was very odd if I went somewhere and Patrick wasn’t mentioned. I mean, didn’t people realize that I thought about him all day long? Which brings me to the next point…

Bringing it up does NOT remind us that it happened – To me, it sounds crazy even writing that. I don’t think any of us consciously think that but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t guilty of the same thing. “I don’t want to bring up a bad memory”. Trust me, you never forget losing someone. Hearing their name is just acknowledgment that others felt their loss.

Listen – I am learning that allowing someone to talk about their trauma or loss is one of the most effective forms of healing. Death is still such a taboo subject in our society and I think that serves to make grief more isolating. At work and in my personal life, I encourage people to talk about their grief, it’s very healthy.

Keep reaching out but don’t smother – I appreciated people checking on me but also knowing when to give me space. There were many people that let me know they were there for me if needed but sometimes I needed time alone. Balance was good!

Offer or do, don’t ask – We are all guilty of this one… “Please let me know if there is anything I can do”. You will usually never get a response from this, even if there are things you can do, it’s still hard to ask. I really appreciated the people who were in the kitchen washing dishes, getting leaves out of the pool, taking the trash out… If you see something you can do, just do it.

My intent is not to criticize anyone who is guilty of breaking these rules. I’m guilty! But I like to think I do at least a little better now that I know. Hopefully this can be a guide for those who don’t know what to say or do.

The most important thing is, Say their name!

I’ve been impacted by a lot of untimely deaths and I know this is not an all-inclusive list but here are the names I need to say. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Cody Jordan
Ron Stebles
Patrick teNyenhuis
Barbara Anderson
Tony Prandini
Terry Boyles
Dominic Zahlis
Ryan Brunetti
Leonard Myers
Danielle Prandini
Sue Prandini
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Countdown

The big day is six days away! Needless to say I’m laying here awake with my thoughts racing through whatever might be left to do. Thank god I invested in a wedding planner as she has taken a lot of the stress off! Last week I felt like I might be getting sick so I took it easy and got some extra sleep. I can’t afford to be sick!

Something had to give though and I put less focus on studying for the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam (NCMHCE). I took it two weeks ago and I was not surprised when I didn’t pass. The test is divided into two parts and I did well on one part but you need to pass both. Honestly I’m just relieved that I can take a break from studying.

The licensing process is a little confusing since I attend an out of state, online school. Once I graduate in April I can register as an Associate Professional Clinical Counselor (APCC). Then I need to have 3,000 hours of supervised experience before I apply for my license. After I registered for the NCMHCE, I found out that California doesn’t allow applicants to take the exam until they have finished their supervised hours. So I actually took it over two years too early! I’m confident I will pass when I take it again.

My schedule is packed this week and if everyone shows up it will be the most clients I have seen in one week, even though I will only be there two days! I wish things were a little slower the week of my wedding but it will probably make time fly by!

I think I am mostly ready. I worry that I’m going to miss something. On Friday we had a final meeting at the venue. The wedding planner asked how we would like to be introduced and I said, ” Mr. & Mrs. Bruce Smith”. In case you didn’t know, that is NOT Bruce’s last name! And I have no idea where that came from! I will never live it down!

So that pretty much sums up my life right now, happy chaos!

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Goodbye my friend ❤️❤️❤️

It’s hard to believe I retired from Aetna over 2 1/2 years ago. When you work at a job for over 22 years it becomes a big part of your life. And the people you work with become family. You don’t always realize just how much time you spend together. You take it for granted…

The year 2000 was possibly my best year ever at Aetna. Our Seattle sales team was trying to land a big client, Nordstrom, known for their excellent customer service. Up until that time, in our office at least, claims were handled in one unit and customer service in another. A decision was made to offer Nordstrom a dedicated unit, staffed by service consultants, who would be trained to take calls and process claims. At the time, I was a supervisor of HMO customer service. Nordstrom was being offered HMO in some areas and PPO in others. Before we even won the contract I was promoted to handle the HMO team. Sarah McQuay was fairly new to our office but not to health insurance. She was promoted to lead the PPO team, which was the majority of the business. We hadn’t worked together but we quickly bonded when we found out that the sales team wanted to interview us for the jobs we had already been hired for!

Sarah was the perfect person to lead the Nordstrom team. She was always stylishly dressed and she loved Nordstrom! I’m not sure if I had ever even been in a Nordstrom and I had to step up my game and do some shopping before we met the customer. Luckily Aetna was ultimately selected to be the health insurance carrier for Nordstrom. Sarah and I went to Seattle to meet the HR staff and learn about the Nordstrom culture before training our teams.

Sarah was a lot of fun to travel with and we had a great time sight seeing and shopping, at Nordstrom of course! We felt it was important to dress the part and we found a lot of great deals on the sales racks!

Sarah and I spent four or five years as partners on the Nordstrom account. Our cubicles shared a wall so it was easy to communicate. We were a great team since Sarah was an early bird and arrived at some ungodly hour like 5:30 or 6:00. I rolled in around 9:00 and stayed after she went home. We shared opening and closing duties with the other supervisors but our partnership ensured that I never had to open and she never had to close.

I was Sarah’s personal IT desk and it was fun to help her over the years. Even years later, when I moved to another position, she would call or IM me and I would come help her. If she remembered something I taught her, she made sure I knew and was proud of her!

Sarah loved meeting Patrick and hearing stories about him. In fact, she was privy to a little bit too much information and usually knew things I would not tell others.

Sarah tended to be more of a homebody and usually didn’t socialize outside of work but one year we convinced her to go to the Christmas party and Patrick and I picked her up. We were in our 30’s at the time, with two small children so a night out was a treat! When the party ended we were reluctant to end the night so a group of us decided to go out for drinks. We ended up at the bar in the bowling alley. We had to practically kidnap Sarah to get her to go. Actually I kind of think we DID kidnap her since she really had no choice. There was only one problem, the bar carded everyone and made you leave if you didn’t have an ID. One person in our group had forgotten their ID and it was the oldest person, Sarah! Patrick offered to take her home to get the ID but she was thrilled to have an excuse to leave and no way was she coming back!

Sarah loved birthdays and her team loved her! They always decorated the entire unit and made her feel like a celebrity. One year the theme was her beloved Rod Stewart. Another year it was the academy awards. I managed to find some pictures from her birthday on October 10, 2002 and I’m including them below.

I don’t think I had seen Sarah since we both retired in January 2017. I’ve been told she was devastated about Patrick and was worried about me. I don’t know if she had heard I am getting married but I would have loved for her to meet Bruce, she would have thought he was really cute!

On Friday I was driving near where she lived and thought about calling her but I was going shopping so I decided not to. I had also been thinking about her when Aaron’s name kept popping up as a friend suggestion. I’ve said before that i don’t think those sort of thoughts are a coincidence so next time I’m thinking about an old friend, I’m going to call.

I will miss you Sarah! If I know Patrick, I’m sure he made sure you had a glass of white wine in your hand as soon as you arrived!

At the Christmas party

Art installment in Seattle – painted pigs! Lol

My turn!

Beautiful classy Sarah! 2000

Sarah and Melinda from Nordstrom

Birthday Girl!

Happy Birthday Buddy! See the red carpet?

They always had a good spread and great gifts! She was very loved!

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Busy, tired, and grateful

I find myself with very little time to write these days and I really miss it. I am going through the most intense, stressful, and wonderful time right now! Sometimes it’s hard to balance it all but it will be worth it in the long run.

Bruce and I moved into our new home in mid July. I started my practicum the next week. Some days I still can’t believe I’ve made it this far. Since graduating from Fresno State nearly 30 years ago, I have never had a job that I loved this much. I never felt adequate as a teacher. Aetna was a good career and I don’t regret it but it didn’t give me a lot of satisfaction. I sometimes worried that I was just doomed to fail.

Over the last few years I felt pretty good about what I was learning and I thought I would like it but I worried that I would feel unprepared and awkward. I was not at all sure what my practicum would be like. Many of my classmates are at sites where they shadow another counselor, at least initially. At my site they did some training and then I started seeing clients on my own. All of my notes are reviewed and signed by my supervisor and I have been observed a few times but basically I am allowed to counsel on my own and it’s been wonderful!

Don’t get me wrong, I still have a LOT to learn and I know I will improve over time. But I feel like I am helping my clients. They don’t always make huge gains between sessions and some only come for one session but I feel really good about the work I have done. And I am so grateful for this opportunity!

I am only doing this because of Patrick. When he died I thought my life was pretty much over too. Then I saw the love that everyone had for him and for the girls and I. I saw the many lives he touched and it made me want to do something more with my life. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. I will mourn for all the time we did not get with him. Most of all I will mourn for all the important things he will miss out on. But I’m not sad anymore.

I am grateful for the full life I have now. I live in a beautiful home with a man I love dearly. I have two incredible, amazing, brilliant, and beautiful daughters. My life is both less and more than I ever dreamed. I choose to be happy and I choose to love.

Next month I will be taking the National Clinical Mental Health Counseling Exam (NCMHCE) so I probably won’t be writing or doing much of anything except go to work and study. In November we will be married. I’m still amazed that this is my life! And I am very grateful!

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Unexpected Love Story Part 3 – New Home, New Future

I’ve known Bruce for almost 12 months now, yet it seems like much longer. There are so many reasons we fell in love. I want to backtrack a little bit and tell you some of the things I love about Bruce and about our story.

Bruce treats me like a queen. He always opens the car door for me, even if I’m the one driving! And he tells me I’m beautiful every day.

Our favorite thing to do is anything we do together. It doesn’t need to be anything fancy. We genuinely enjoy spending time together! And Bruce loves his children, which is another reason I love him! When we first started dating he pulled out a picture of he and his girls at one of the Freedom Elementary father-daughter dances. I pulled up a picture of Patrick and my girls at the same dance! Denny was also there with his girls! Such a small world!

In early February we visited our first model home. As I mentioned in my last post, we went there to get ideas for my remodel. Bruce took me to the Granville models to show me one of his favorite models, the “Bella”. We looked at all of their models and as we walked around we discussed the things we both wanted in our next home. We originally wanted a one story home, with at least 4 bedrooms, a walk-in pantry, 3-car garage, a makeup vanity for me, and of course, lots of space to have family over. I always thought I would downsize and we both thought we were a little ridiculous for looking at bigger houses. In the end we decided we wanted space for the kids, even if they’re not here much. And we wanted a great house for having family get togethers in. So we bought a large Wathen Castanos “spec” home. It was still being built but close to being done. We didn’t get to pick any finishes but we loved everything about it!

The last 6 months have been a whirlwind of activity and that’s why I haven’t blogged much. Getting my house ready for paint and flooring and putting both houses on the market took a ton of time. I’ll write more about the whole process but I wanted to catch you up on everything!

Bruce’s house sold first and he was waiting for that to happen in order to make a particular purchase. He was out of town when it closed. When he got back in town we went to look at rings and we were both impatient so he bought it on June 30th. I still consider our first model home visit the true proposal! When we got in the car I asked him to put the ring on my finger. Then we FaceTimed my dad so he could officially ask his permission. The camera was on Bruce and when my dad said “of course” I turned it to me and said, “Good answer!” as I waved my ring at him! Two weeks later we got the keys to our new home and moved in that Saturday. On Monday, July 15th I started my counseling practicum. Who knew so many wonderful things could happen at the same time? We haven’t really begun planning…once I get more settled in at work and unpacked at home we can work on wedding plans…and maybe take a nap!

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Unexpected Love Story – Part 2 – Meet the Family

I am the first to admit that dating me is a lot! Bruce is an only child and only grandchild so it was somewhat of a culture shock when he met my family. He actually met the teNyenhuis side first! I tried to introduce him to small groups at a time but that is a challenge when we spend so much time together. After a month of dating he met all of my siblings and helped us move into the beach house. I introduced him and he was immediately put to work carrying furniture up stairs and putting things together. We still had things to buy so I left him with the guys while Dawan and I went shopping for a few hours. He likes to say I left him for 10 hours but don’t believe him!

Everyone seemed to like him and that made me very happy! But I knew things were going well when I overheard Tom talking to my Dad the next morning. The conversation was something like this, “We we’re trying to do … then Bruce said… we did this… Bruce thought we could… Bruce suggested…”. You get the picture, he fit so seamlessly into the family!

Then he met more family. Then I took him to the Boyles family reunion, then Ravioli Day. He was proud when he could remember a few names and then I would introduce him to more. We spent Christmas Eve and morning with my family and then I took him to Prandini Christmas. After each big event I gave hm space to decompress. And then he was always ready to meet more people!

Boyles Family Reunion!

In September I had a small flood at my house and it was in a state of disrepair for months. I couldn’t decide what to do. Should I have it repaired? Should I have additional work done? I thought about doing a kitchen remodel and Bruce suggested I get ideas from model homes. He told me he enjoyed visiting the models and there were a few he really liked. We had a blast looking at the models and I found myself imagining what the future might hold. Then he asked if I might like to buy a house together. I’m sure I had a big grin on my face when I told him that I would love that! Then he added that of course he would want to marry me! My grin got even bigger!

We started looking at more houses and I decided not to remodel my kitchen. Instead I started getting it ready to sell.

Even before the conversation at the model home we had talked hypothetically about moving in together. Bruce’s house was nice but it had limited parking and that would not work for family get-togethers! My house made more sense but I worried that it would be hard for Bruce to feel like it was his home. We decided it would be better to move to a house that was ours together.

Next step, find our new home. I’ll tell you all about it in my next post!

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Unexpected Love Story Part 1 – We Meet

A year after Patrick died I wrote about my experience so far. In One Year Later I described what it felt like to be going on a familiar path and then having everything change in the blink of an eye. I tried to describe how, in the midst of so much sadness, there were still moments of unexpected happiness.

As I entered the second year I started thinking about dating. I have to say that I probably had the idea that I would find someone I was comfortable with, who would be a good companion. They might have faults but I would put up with them because I hated being alone. I didn’t even dare to hope that I would actually find someone I could truly love!

Bruce and I met on OK Cupid last August. I don’t remember who contacted the other first but we not swiped right and started talking on Monday, August 13th (Happy Birthday Shayna Danell 😉). Here is one of his profile pics. I love that it says we like each other!

I seem to remember that we switched to phone calls early on, which I really enjoyed. His profile said he lived in Clovis so I asked him what part of town and he told me his cross streets were Ashlan and Locan and those also happen to be my cross streets! 👀 👀 I think I might have actually looked out the window at that point. 😂 Fortunately he wasn’t a stalker and had lived just across Locan from me for the last 4 years. In fact we have lived less than a mile from each other for the last 16 years. Our kids were in different grades but went to all the same schools together! We made plans to go to dinner that Saturday night but as that got closer I suggested that we meet for coffee on Friday. I met him at Starbucks and we were so comfortable that he suggested we go to dinner. He gave me the option of taking separate cars but of course I wanted to ride in his cute little convertible!

The next night he picked me up for the dinner date we had originally planned. Once again, we were enjoying each other’s company so much that we decided to extend the date and go see a movie (Crazy Rich Asians). From that point on we talked multiple times per day and saw each other almost daily, sometimes walking the short distance between our houses. Usually we would meet in the middle.

I want to get this story right so I decided to divide it up into several parts. I will post more tomorrow!