Tag: love

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Twenty-five years later

I had technical difficulties last night but my site is back up and secure. Still learning about web hosting and blogging! I added a bit to the story!

Twenty-five years. A lifetime ago. A lifetime lived between then and now. 
I married Patrick on June 27, 1992. I remember that it was a beautiful day with clear skies! My dad took me to breakfast while a lot of people worked to decorate the Retired Teacher’s Hall where the reception was held. 
Later I had a manicure, pedicure and my bridesmaids and I all had our hair done in up-dos. I’m an 80’s girl so it had to be sufficiently big hair! After that we drove to the church, Sacred Heart. I remarked to my sisters that I was surprised that everything was going so smoothly. Dawan laughed and said, “Yeah, no problems, nothing like ants in the favors or anything!” And this remark went right over my head. I was having a perfect day and it didn’t occur to me that Dawan was serious. 
The favors were actually metallic paper that I had taken to the teacher center and used the die-cut machine to cut into the shape of a bag. Inside the bag was netting filled with M & M’s. Half of them were assembled in our apartment which apparently had an ant infestation. Someone painstakingly opened all of the bags to check for ants. If you were there 25 years ago and ate the M & M’s, I apologize!  
Basically nothing was going to interfere with this day we had waited almost 6 years for! Everything came together beautifully! 

Tomorrow I will probably be able to watch a little more of the video than I did last year. I try to remember the joy that I experienced then and the next 23 years and almost 10 months. I thought we would be married for many, many more years. I looked forward to celebrating a lot more milestones. 
I always felt that we had a good marriage but at the same time I wondered how I got so lucky. I was sure that I didn’t deserve him. I know that now I tend to remember the happiest times. There were plenty of those but he annoyed me with his snoring, I spent too much money and I’m sure there were many other things that bugged him. Still, I was hopeful that we would always be together. 
At some point after he died it occurred to me that we had truly lived our marriage vows. We were faithful and we took care of each other until death parted us. I’m so grateful that we had that.
I was thinking today that it is so unreal that when he died I was no longer married. Just like that, in the blink of an eye. These are the kind of thoughts I have. 
On this anniversary I will try my hardest to spend my day filled with happy memories with some distractions mixed in. He would want it that way. 
Twenty-five years. A lifetime of love. Never enough but I am grateful for the time I had. ❤️❤️❤️

When I posted this story my friend Dawn shared a memory from the wedding. When it was time for me to toss the bouquet I threw it from a stage. The ceiling had some sort of recessed lighting ledges and that’s where it landed. It may still be there! I found this picture of Gabe on a ladder looking for it. The best part is Pop (Patrick’s dad) standing nearby with a bouquet which he immediately put together as a replacement. He’s handy like that! 

Today turned out okay. The girls and I went to the gym for our usual double workout. Then we came home and swam and tanned for a bit. We are working on our base tans for vacation! It’s a rough life! Matt and the kids came by, I did some homework and I finished the day with a trip to Mickey’s Yogurt since they have oatmeal cookie gelato right now. Not a bad day! ❤️❤️❤️

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Cherish

On Tuesday night I was at the Clovis East Scholarship awards for Camille. When it began, the couple sitting in front of me, who are friends of mine, reached out and grasped hands. A year ago this probably would have made me incredibly jealous. I would be lying if I said it doesn’t make me jealous at all now. But mostly it makes me happy to see this.

I’ve spent a lot of time on the appreciate your spouse bandwagon, so I love it when I see people doing just that! I’ve told my daughters that what I really want is for them to find someone to cherish them.


I found the above definition on Googke. “Protect and care for someone lovingly, hold dear, adore.”  You don’t hear this word used that often in everyday conversation but it’s the perfect description of what I think a relationship should be. I don’t have a magic formula for anyone to get this kind of relationship but I hope my daughters settle for nothing less.

Patrick cherished me and I cherished him. Our marriage wasn’t perfect. Most marriages are not fairy tales. I think a good marriage is actually very unglamorous. I know that I was so comfortable in my marriage that I didn’t worry if I woke up with my hair looking like a rat’s nest! I really don’t think I am an expert on marriage either. I just know that I was happy and I can tell you what that looked and felt like.

We were kind to each other. We didn’t belittle each other and if we had a problem we would work it out. We respected each other. We gave each other space when needed. We listened and comforted each other. He was my sounding board and I was his. Yes we annoyed each other at times but the good far outweighed the small annoyances.

I cursed at Patrick exactly one time and it upset him so much that I never did it again! We had gone skiing and it was probably my second time ever. Dawan rode up the chair lift with me and was patiently helping me. When Patrick got off the lift we had only gone around 50 feet so he came over to see what the hold up was. The hold up was that Danell was a lousy skier! I fell down every few yards (or was it feet or inches???). Patrick assessed the situation and made a true Patrick observation, “If you’re going to fall, you probably should avoid the big drifts of snow since they are hard to get up from.” As if I was strategically planning my falls! I simply said, “F$&@ you.” He was stunned. Dawan looked had him and said calmly, “Maybe it would be better if we met you at the bottom?” He liked to remind me of that any time I was annoyed with him. 😜

Do me a favor, just humor me… the next time you are annoyed with your spouse or partner, take a deep breath and imagine how annoyed you would be if they were gone! If needed, send them to the bottom of the hill for a break! I know it’s not always fun and games but try to appreciate them as often as possible because time is precious and so are relationships. 😊❤️❤️

 

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Patience – 1/21/17

This was originally published on 1/21/17. I still have a lot of blogs to transfer over from Tumblr but I needed this as I am going to reference it in another entry I am writing today!

“I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.”

Margaret Thatcher

The leader of my widow support group challenged us to pick one word for 2017. The instructions involved putting a little thought into it and I wasn’t sure if I was going to do it. With school work and all I didn’t really want another assignment. I thought it might take too long to figure it out, but then it came to me, “PATIENCE.”

This might seem like an odd choice for me. In some ways I am a very patient person. I also sometimes have a need for instant gratification. This is the reason I liked gambling so much, in fact, too much! Last year the girls and I spoiled ourselves a little so I had a lot of instant gratification (not gambling though). But we can’t live like that forever.

Patrick has been gone nine months today. Most of the time I wish I could travel back in time to spend more time with him or relive happy memories. I know that is not my reality so the rest of the time I wish I could fast forward to a time when the grief is not so bad. I know it will never go away but I have heard it does get somewhat easier and that’s where I want to be. The thing is, I have also heard that you can’t hold it in, you have to work through it. So that’s where patience comes in.

“No, no! The adventures first, explanations take such a dreadful time.”

Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

I need to accept that everything takes time. I can’t blink my eyes and be laughing and smiling all the time, I need to be patient. I want to be in better shape and lose weight. That won’t happen overnight and if I want to develop good habits, really lifestyle changes, I need to be patient.

I’ve talked about all of the different things I want to do to get organized and I know I can’t do them all at once. I have already been exercising some patience by just accepting that I will get things done as I get them done, it’s not going to happen overnight.

Patrick was much more patient than I am. I’m pretty sure that I probably tried to convince him that we should get married sooner but he stuck to the plan. Maybe the long (to me) wait for the proposal was a little lesson for me, be patient, good things are to come.

I think we could all use a little more patience in life. One thing I like about my new workouts is that we don’t spend too much time on any one exercise. So even if it is something I hate, or I am really tired, I know I just have to hang in there for a bit longer and then we will move on to something else. Patience is knowing that if you keep walking through the darkness, eventually there will be light again.

As hard as losing Patrick has been, I know I will experience joy, happiness and love again and again in my life. It’s not going to happen overnight, so I just have to be patient.

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.“

Fulton J. Sheen


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New holiday memories – 11/30/16

Originally posted on 11/30/16

Today I have the post-vacation blues. I have been looking forward to our Thanksgiving trip for months and it was everything I hoped for. We all had a great time and really enjoyed being together but I knew it would never be long enough. Ending vacation is sort of a lesser type of mourning. You make big plans, anticipate all of the fun things you are going to do and wish it could last forever. When it’s over you mourn but thankfully only for a short time.

My life with Patrick was the best vacation ever. We made lots of plans and anticipated how much fun we would have. Most of our plans worked out but we didn’t quite get to do everything we wanted. Sadly we can’t make plans to “go again”. There are no do-overs when someone dies. This is where I pause briefly and remind everyone to embrace life and live it to the fullest. Do the things on your bucket list. Life is much shorter than you think!

Like my trip to Santa Cruz, this trip brought back a lot of memories. Now that I think of it, that may be why I chose to hang out at the Inn for the most part. There are a lot of places that might have been painful to see. When we were driving in I was trying to remember my last trip there. We passed the Kon Tiki Inn and I remembered that we stayed there for our 23rd anniversary. We had a great time in spite of the fact that I came down with a sinus infection. We had planned to go back and take the girls. I had forgotten that there was one more trip. We were in Cayucos for Mom and Pop’s 50th anniversary. We drove over to go to the Great American Melodrama in Oceana. We highly recommend it if you have never been. Joe took Patrick there on one of their birthday camping trips. Patrick loved it and thought it would be fun for the whole family. On our way we stopped in Shell Beach and met Dad and Kandra for dinner. So many great memories of that trip too! I just tried not to get stuck in memories as we passed all of these places.

We might not be able to do another trip exactly like this due to the cost but I plan to investigate and see if there are other places with similar capacity. The trip was fun for everyone and an outside observer probably would not have been able to determine where the Boyles family ended and the teNyenhuis family began.

Today we celebrate my mom’s 75th birthday and a few days later Camille’s first soccer game of the year. In between is another trip to the courthouse for a preliminary hearing. I would really like to avoid that but of course, I will be there. Hopefully that chapter will be wrapped up soon.

I found out that I do have job protection and I have been approved for early retirement. This will be a great relief and I feel like once I am past that I can start making plans for the next few years. I probably won’t work while I am receiving severance but I’m thinking of doing some volunteering. I have always said I wanted to do volunteer work when I retired so I am going to sign up for a few things that will either bring me joy, be good experience for my career in counseling or both. I am also looking forward to being able to attend every single soccer game for Camille. They are returning as undefeated section champs and I can’t wait to see what they do! I will miss Patrick at the games (although maybe not his very loud criticisms of the refs). 😂 Last soccer season was a really exciting time and will always be a great memory for Camille, Sierra and I. This season will be bittersweet but I know Patrick will be there in spirit, I will think of him every time a parent gets a little too obnoxious and I will feel his pride each time Camille has a great play. I’m looking forward to some serious soccer fun! Go Timberwolves!

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Shaw Avenue 11/16/16

This was originally published on my Tumblr blog, which I’ve been slowly moving over. The picture was taken on 4/23/16 during a family walk to get us out of the house. My siblings and I are standing with our childhood home in the background. Denny, Dawan, Me, & Denise

The holidays are quickly approaching and I want to run in the other direction. Back to April. Back to last November. I am just so unprepared for holidays without him. At the same time I am really looking forward to January because that will mean the holidays are over.

I really don’t spend my days crying. I promise. And most of the time I am okay but it really doesn’t take much for the thoughts and pictures to start scrolling through my mind. If I go anywhere during the day I inevitably end up driving or crossing Shaw. I can’t really avoid it.

It’s crazy how much of our life is tied to Shaw. We both worked on Shaw. One of my elementary schools is on Shaw. We met a few blocks from Shaw. We opened our first checking account on Shaw. Fresno State is on Shaw. I spent four years of my childhood in the big house on the corner of Shaw and DeWolf. And he died on Shaw, a half mile away from that house. I have now driven down that section of Shaw 3 or 4 times. I only go there when I really need to let it all out and I don’t have to do that very often.

Ironically some of my best and a few of my worst childhood memories are from that house on Shaw. We moved from a tiny 3 bedroom house to that house and I think we all thought we were rich! A lot of the time we had our own bedrooms and somehow the 6 of us survived with 1 bathroom. I don’t even know how that was possible! We had all kinds of animals including a horse, a steer, goats, rabbits, ducks, geese, dogs, cats and pigs. There was always something to do. One time the pig had 13 piglets. They were cute when they were little. I remember one day I sat in the pasture and played with them. Later that day I was on the porch when they decided to go for a walk. Across Shaw. As I watched a car sped through their pack. All you could hear were squeals of pain. I ran in the house screaming. I was so upset I couldn’t really articulate what had happened and my parents thought one of the other kids had been hit. Miraculously only a few died. One had a broken leg but my mom had a splint put on it and it recovered just fine. We laugh at that story.

Another time I was getting home from school on the bus after track practice. There was an almond orchard surrounding two sides of our property. I saw Denise and Denny jogging along the orchard and, a little further, I saw that someone had left a few piles of clothes in the orchard. The bus stopped across the street from my house and the bus driver got out and let me cross the street. Suddenly, I saw a strange man with my brother and sister. He looked kind of crazy and seemed to have his arms on Denny. He asked me to get my parents and told me he had hit two men. We later found out that the tragedy began when a girl was driving by our house, pulling a horse trailer, and hit our Saint Bernard, Morley. Since she had the horse trailer she didn’t want to stop so she went home and told her dad and uncle. They lived less than a quarter mile away, on the opposite side of Shaw. Her dad and uncle drove over to tell us. For some reason they decided to park across Shaw instead of pulling into our driveway. I think the sun was low in the sky as they crossed. The driver never saw them. They were thrown into the orchard and killed instantly. I didn’t realize that I had seen them. Our dog was injured and my parents had him put down. What an awful day! This was forty years ago and I still remember almost everything about it.

How ironic that Patrick would ride past that house and a little way down the road his life would also end tragically. I didn’t really think about the fact that people lived near the accident site and would now be forever tied to this tragedy like I am to the one forty years earlier.

Today Camille went to Subs and Grubs for lunch. She used her phone to call in the order for herself and 3 others. As they went up to pay, the owner asked which one was Camille. She told her she recognized the name from caller ID. She pulled her aside and told her she lived out on Shaw and had been praying for my family. She didn’t charge Camille for her lunch. Such a small, crazy world! What a nice and unexpected gesture! I continue to feel the love that surrounds us, some of it from people we don’t even know. This is such a horrific experience but we are very blessed that so many people care about us and continue to do anything they can think of to help us. I know that I will survive the holidays. I will be surrounded by family and we will keep moving forward. There’s really no other way to go.

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Cross Two More Off the List – Originally posted 11/7/16

This has been a week of second firsts for me. The week was also a hard one for me and I’m never quite sure why some days are harder than others. I haven’t been able to write all week so I’m not sure if I had writer’s block because I had a hard week or if I had a hard week because I couldn’t write anything.

On Halloween, I picked up Papa Murphy’s Take-N-Bake pizza to take to my mom’s. I realized after I got it that this was another unexpected “first”. We used to have pizza once per week. His favorite was BCs pizza but he felt they could be a little pricey so we wouldn’t get that all the time. When I worked in the office I would pick it up on the way home with instructions to call him when I did so he could preheat the oven. And when I got home I was usually greeted with a thank you and a kiss. He appreciated me and I appreciated him. Getting pizza was such a normal, routine thing but these are the kind of things I remember and sometimes they hurt the worst. Just the day to day interaction and knowing you were loved and appreciated. I just think of a typical night like this and I am filled with love, happiness, and unbearable sadness.

People always tell me that I am loved by many and I know and appreciate that. But there is still a hole in my heart that may never heal. I have a lot of romantic memories of our relationship but I feel the loss intensely when I remember the little moments of each day.

When I started working from home last year, Patrick made it a habit to come upstairs and give me a kiss when he got home. I was usually secretly annoyed since the afternoons were almost always quiet times and I was usually in the middle of something that required my full attention. I wanted to tell him that I was still working and just pretend I wasn’t there. Fortunately, I never did. I miss those interruptions now.

The other second first was going to a wedding. Erin is the mother of Sierra’s close friend, Olivia. They have been friends since second grade! Olivia is like one of my kids and Erin and I are friends as a result. Erin is quite a bit younger than me and has always been a single parent. She is very independent and did just fine on her own. She raised a wonderful daughter! And now she has met the love of her life, Matt!

I was worried that the wedding would be hard. I declined to attend a wedding over the summer because I didn’t want to be a distraction if I got emotional. I cried at the wedding last night. Tears of joy! The wedding was beautiful! Their love was apparent and I am really happy for them! I also attended with my girls and my nieces and we had a great time!

So I was doing pretty good today. But I have been stressed about possibly going back to work. Today I decided to check my disability status and my recent reconsideration request was denied. So I believe I will have to go back to work to qualify for early retirement. Everyone has told me that it’s only for a few months and I keep telling myself that too but honestly I wouldn’t be off work if it wasn’t difficult to be there.

The difficult part about my disability is that it is hard to prove. And the last two times I was taken off work due to my mental health, my employer denied my disability. The state covered it both times. This includes the time I was off after Patrick’s death. I did get five days of bereavement leave. I had to take vacation time the day of his funeral and four days after and the rest ended up as unpaid leave. I didn’t stress about it. I had other things to focus on.

If I had a heart attack or a surgery and was going through rehabilitation my doctor could fill out a simple form to certify that I was disabled. For mental health, it is a longer form with a lot of questions. I thought it would be easier this time since I am actually seeing a Psychologist but apparently, her opinion doesn’t matter.

So I’m questioning myself and wondering why some people can go through something like this and go right back to work. Am I less of a person? The thing is, I probably could go back to work at a different type of job. I am functioning in many ways but, for whatever reason, I can’t bear to go back.

I have worked there for 22 years and I was married to Patrick the whole time. I have had a lot of ups and downs at work and he was always there to encourage and support me. Four or five years ago I went through a very difficult time there and he has pretty much hated the thought of me working there since then. Someone asked me today what he would say to me. I feel that he would just tell me to do what I needed to do. He would be okay with whatever decision I made. I’m sure on the inside he would be thinking it would be better financially for me to keep working but he would never put that pressure on me.

So I am going to sleep on it. Pray a little. Hope for a sign or the strength to just make myself do it. If you hear that I ended up walking away from an early retirement package, please don’t judge me. I’m going to do whatever I need to so that I can keep moving forward. I might make mistakes and I might change my mind. That’s okay. I know I am doing the best I can and I really just have to get through one day at a time.

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A Break in the Clouds – Originally posted 10/31/16

The cloud hanging over me has cleared. For now. I have been waiting so long for the resolution of the case and it’s nice to know that I can have a little break from that. Next court date is exactly one month away. I wasn’t hoping for any particular thing to happen. I just wanted the waiting to be over.

I never know how I am going to react to updates. I don’t even remember the date we got the first full update on the case but it was in May. I came home and locked myself in my room. I have only done that a few times. Sometimes no amount of comforting is going to help. I only stayed in there for 30 minutes to an hour but I felt like I was never going to calm down.

Over the summer I waited weeks in between updates. The wheels of justice turn slowly and you really don’t want them to take shortcuts anyway. Then a few weeks ago I received unexpected news on the case and I went into a tailspin again. I couldn’t even update anyone like I usually did. I really only have to ever tell one person and they can spread the word but we have a lot of immediate family so it’s a lot of texting or calling.

I’ve been calmer since then. I was fully prepared to be a wreck the day I went to the DAs office. In the end, I felt they were just as diligent as the police and I was okay after that meeting. I voted for the DA and I am happy that I made that choice. She is very dedicated and caring.

I don’t want to put too much info out there until the case is over. I can say that the misdemeanor charge was the most they could do based on a few things. Most importantly California law does not have a clear measurement of drug impairment. That will be my mission once the case is resolved.

The arraignment was hard. I didn’t know how to feel when I saw the defendant. We did not expect the judge to increase the bail so that was a small victory. I had lots of support. Both of our Mom’s, Denise, Dawan, Denny, Connor, Cathy, Dina, Gabe, and Jenn. If you haven’t figured out by now, I am never alone in this and I am very grateful for my family. And honestly, they wouldn’t be anywhere else because they are all grieving too. As I have said from the beginning, I am surrounded by love. ❤❤❤😊😊😊

Tomorrow is Halloween. Actually, it starts in one minute. Halloween has been a big day for us over the years. When we were younger we always dressed up. And we had some awesome costumes! The first year we were a fork and a spoon. Over the years our costumes included Oscar and Emmy, Bartles and James, Wayne and Garth, a slice of Pizza and the Domino’s Pizza Noid, Hare Krishnas, an Angel and a Devil, Gangster and Flapper, and American Gothic (the painting, complete with picture frame). I may have missed some. I guess we stopped when we had kids and began focusing on their costumes.

Patrick liked to answer the door and basically harass the poor children. “Who are you supposed to be?”, “You don’t look like______”, “Aren’t you too old to be trick or treating?” Some of the kids figured him out and just laughed at him. I would usually hide in the other room and pray that I didn’t know any of the parents! I wonder if any of the kids will be looking for that crazy guy tomorrow night?

My mom and Ernie just moved back into town and she is excited about Halloween so I was happy to agree to hang out at her place. By the end of the night, I will be able to say I’ve crossed off another “first” without him. Happy Halloween!!! 🎃🎃🎃

 
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What if we never met? – 10/9/16

This was originally posted on 10/9/16. The picture I have added is all of the teNyenhuis grandkids.

Last night I was completely exhausted from a day of moving my mom and Ernie. I woke up at 5:30 after sleeping maybe 3 hours on Friday night. Last night I should have slept like a log. Of course, as usual, I woke several times during the night. This is kind of my new normal. Just to clarify, this doesn’t mean I wake up crying and in emotional pain. Patrick is always in the back of my mind but the pain seems to be a little better most days. When I was awake last night I started thinking about something that I thought about a LOT at first.

When the pain was the most intense there were times that I prayed for amnesia. I just wanted to not remember. And I considered if it would be better just to go through life kind of happy rather than experiencing the extreme pain of losing Patrick. I’ve been told a lot that “most people” don’t experience the kind of love and happiness I had. What if I didn’t have that? Of course I always shut down this line of thinking because I would not have my two precious daughters if I never met Patrick. And of course I wouldn’t want to erase my time with him. My life was better because of it.

My life was incredibly enriched when I met Patrick. Mom and Pop are the best in-laws anyone could ever have. They truly consider me their child and I am so blessed to be a part of their family. Dan is like a big brother to me. He brought Amy into my life and even though they are far away I cherish our relationship. Gabe was always around during the college years when Patrick was away and he looked out for me. I consider him Camille’s surrogate father for education and I think he’s as proud of her as Patrick would be. Jennifer is a kindred spirit and I love having her in my life.

And Patrick gave me my own little sister, Dina. I love her so much and I understand my sisters wanting to protect me from the pain I’m going through because I wish I could take away Dina’s pain. She was extremely close to Patrick and when she married Jeff he found an outdoorsy buddy. Jeff and Dina were always ready to go fishing, hiking or just drink beer with Patrick!

When I met Matt I think he was 10 years old. So I’ve known him for a big part of his life and Patrick was always proud of him. In many ways he was truly Patrick’s best friend. I’ve always been close to Tina too. Like all of the siblings Matt chose well!

Getting together with the whole family was always a special time. Holidays were always busy but we always agreed which family we would spend time with, BOTH!

And that is just the tip of the iceberg since the family doesn’t end there. There are numerous nieces, nephews, cousins, etc and my life is richer because of all of them. I do still get extremely sad at times and when that happens if I start to wish that someone could just take away my memories I think about all that I would lose with them. I wouldn’t give up the memories or my family. Love you T-9-house family!❤️

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Keeper of memories – 10/3/16

Originally posted on 10/3/16.

As my kids were growing up I loved to share funny stories with my mom. She would always laugh and tell me that I really needed to write them down. I didn’t have a blog back then. I’m sure that I intended to write them down but why would I need to? I was married to a man who could remember everything!

I didn’t realize at first how many memories we lost. I’m not quite sure why but my brain does not always store details. I remember a lot but Patrick could remember obscure things such as lines from movies I had never heard of. Like everything else I think he trained his brain to do this. After college he never truly learned to read for pleasure. I know he enjoyed reading but it had to be something of value. He read the entire bible and when he was finished he decided to read the biographies of each of the presidents. I think he made it to Reagan and then stopped. He decided the biographies were more accurate after time had passed. The more recent ones were usually written by supporters and tended to be sugar coated. Of course I can’t think of any cool facts but he loved to share odd things he had learned such as the president who took calls while on the toilet!

He was also great at telling jokes. I would try to repeat them and they were never quite as funny. A highlight of the Steam Donkey shows was the jokes and banter in between songs, much of it groan worthy! I am so grateful that I have videos of that. Usually I can get through them with a smile.

He had favorite sayings too and we have forgotten some of them. One is that he used to tell us that there were only two rules in this house. Rule 1 is never throw things from the second floor, but we are unsure of Rule 2. Rule 2 could be that Dad is Awesome (which he frequently said) or that Dad is always right. Maybe it was “Dad needs a beer”.

Of course, like anyone, he didn’t remember everything, especially if it was a message his wife was supposed to give him! He would be talking to his mom and she would say, “I’m sure Danell told you ….” and he would tell her, “You know we never talk”. In fairness I would say the same thing!

He had another saying related to irony and I think it was poetic irony but it seems like it was a more obscure term. When he found an example of this type of irony he loved to tell us. Recently I experienced this type of irony and although it was a little sad I could just imagine him laughing at the irony of the situation.

A month or two after Patrick died I charged my old iPhone to see if I had any voice messages from him. There had been none on my current phone. I found one message from 2013. He had been on some sort of weekend adventure and I was gone when he got home. He left me a message to say he was home, he was exhausted and he was going to sleep. He ended it with “I love you”. I tried to save the message and the older phone did not have an option to do that. So, rather than play the message on the old phone and record it with the new, I had the brilliant idea to update the old phone. Of course when the update was complete my messages were gone. I took it to the phone store and they confirmed there was no way to retrieve it. I was sad but honestly I wasn’t going to be devastated about it. At the same time, I was still searching to make sure I didn’t miss any audio or video recordings. Eventually I found the voice memos on my phone. Wouldn’t it be sweet if he had recorded me a message? I found an 18 second message and at first it was very staticky. After a minute I realized I had made the recording. In the middle of the night. When his snoring woke me up! I’m not sure what I had planned to do with it but I never shared it with him. He was sensitive about his snoring and his feelings would have been hurt. I burst into laughter! How ironic! I’m looking for a sweet message and instead find the snoring I had recorded in anger. Now that’s (insert term) irony! 😂<<<<<<
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