Originally posted on 10/13/16.
I felt normal for a while. Not that I forgot what was going on but I was feeling a little happy, not so sad. Last week grief found me again and I pushed it back for a while but I can only ignore it for so long. So I write…
Tonight I am grateful for Cathy, who is always there when I need her. Earlier I needed some company and she knew without me even asking. Some days are just unexpectedly bad. And I know I have a long list of people who would be here if needed but a best friend is nice. She knows she doesn’t have to comfort me. She doesn’t agonize over what to say because she knows all I need is her company.
I feel like there are so many loose ends in my life right now. I have no control over a lot of them and some I am just not ready to deal with. I feel better when some are resolved and others don’t go the way I planned. That happened tonight. Things are not going the way I anticipated and it was really hard to hear. I always hate it when people write cryptic things on social media but I really can’t get into specifics right now. Hopefully I will be able to share more soon.
I finalized my will and trust a few weeks ago. This may seem like a strange thing to be happy about but it gives me comfort knowing that everything is spelled out for the girls should anything happen to me. They also took care of the paperwork for the title on the house which is good. The title now lists me as Danell teNyenhuis, an unmarried woman. That’s so bizarre to me. I think I took 18 months to plan my wedding. Such a joyful, happy occasion. And then, almost 24 years later, in an instant, I am unmarried. I guess it is better than saying widowed but it is just so odd to see. I still feel like I’m going to wake up and realize it was all a dream…
Matt is now the official owner of the VW bus. So you may see it around town. For now it’s still parked in my garage but I am happy he is taking it. Patrick loved that bus and he would be happy that his little brother will use it and enjoy it. Matt has already taken the kids
camping several times so they are making lots of new memories.
I finally got the trees trimmed in the backyard so I should be able to spend less time dealing with the pool. So that’s three kind-of-big things resolved and that feels good. Hopefully I will continue to check things off my list and my life will feel a little less chaotic. For now I will continue to write…