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Unexpected Love Story Part 1 – We Meet

A year after Patrick died I wrote about my experience so far. In One Year Later I described what it felt like to be going on a familiar path and then having everything change in the blink of an eye. I tried to describe how, in the midst of so much sadness, there were still moments of unexpected happiness.

As I entered the second year I started thinking about dating. I have to say that I probably had the idea that I would find someone I was comfortable with, who would be a good companion. They might have faults but I would put up with them because I hated being alone. I didn’t even dare to hope that I would actually find someone I could truly love!

Bruce and I met on OK Cupid last August. I don’t remember who contacted the other first but we not swiped right and started talking on Monday, August 13th (Happy Birthday Shayna Danell 😉). Here is one of his profile pics. I love that it says we like each other!

I seem to remember that we switched to phone calls early on, which I really enjoyed. His profile said he lived in Clovis so I asked him what part of town and he told me his cross streets were Ashlan and Locan and those also happen to be my cross streets! 👀 👀 I think I might have actually looked out the window at that point. 😂 Fortunately he wasn’t a stalker and had lived just across Locan from me for the last 4 years. In fact we have lived less than a mile from each other for the last 16 years. Our kids were in different grades but went to all the same schools together! We made plans to go to dinner that Saturday night but as that got closer I suggested that we meet for coffee on Friday. I met him at Starbucks and we were so comfortable that he suggested we go to dinner. He gave me the option of taking separate cars but of course I wanted to ride in his cute little convertible!

The next night he picked me up for the dinner date we had originally planned. Once again, we were enjoying each other’s company so much that we decided to extend the date and go see a movie (Crazy Rich Asians). From that point on we talked multiple times per day and saw each other almost daily, sometimes walking the short distance between our houses. Usually we would meet in the middle.

I want to get this story right so I decided to divide it up into several parts. I will post more tomorrow!

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I Choose Happy!❤️❤️❤️

I’m in my last week of a class called “Spousal & Child Abuse, Crisis and Trauma Counseling”. I was a little surprised that we weren’t even studying the chapter on bereavement. I think there is a certain expectation that everyone just knows how to handle grief. I’ve learned that is not the case. People have a wide range of reactions to death and no one can really prepare you for it. When you are dealing with it, no one can really tell you how to do it either. For the most part, you find your own way, hopefully with the help of friends and family.

I chose to read the chapter on bereavement. I’m interested because it’s what I’ve been dealing with but also because I would like to be a crisis and trauma counselor and bereavement will be a part of that. Most of you are probably familiar with the “Stages of Death and Dying”. I really think those stages apply to people facing a terminal diagnosis. They can be applied to bereavement also but some of them don’t seem to fit very well. In my textbook I found a newer 4 stage guideline by J. William Worden:

    Accept the loss – At first, this seemed almost offensive to me. But it doesn’t mean you agree with it, just that it happened. This also means that it’s not necessarily healthy to pretend nothing happened. Removing or avoiding reminders does not make it go away. I learned to make small changes that acknowledged the loss without being startling.
    Experience the pain – Grief can be overwhelming! I know that I tried to avoid the pain a lot but it would always hit me when I least expected it. I finally learned to allow myself time to feel it and just let out the emotions. I haven’t needed a good cry in a long time but it certainly helped when I needed it! I found that it helped to know things that would trigger a good cry, and to give myself permission to let it all out.
    Adjust to an environment without the person – grieving families will sometimes try to leave things “as is” in an attempt to honor the deceased. For me, it helped to make minor changes, a little at a time. My mind needed that to remind me that he was gone but I was still there. And I was okay. I didn’t want to be stuck in one place, it would have been dreary to never move forward. I’m not saying that’s how everyone should do it, but it worked for me. Two plus years out I am ready to make larger changes. I’m planning some remodeling but I won’t change everything at once. Baby steps.
    Reinvest emotional energy in other relationships – This one is really important. At first it meant strengthening my connection with all of my family and close friends. Then it expanded to new friends, especially my fellow widows. Now it has progressed to a new relationship. I have a lot of love to give. And I know that Patrick would want me to be happy. I haven’t moved on, I have moved forward.

I could spend my days wrapped up in memories of the years I had with Patrick. This wouldn’t be a horrible thing to do. I have a lot of great memories! But if that is all I did, I would spend a lot of time being sad and missing him. I don’t want to be sad all the time. I choose happy! And I think he would approve!

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Four U-Hauls and an Empty Nest!!!

Since July 2nd I have rented four different U-Hauls! I’ve driven around town and gone north, south, and west. I knew this would be a busy summer but it didn’t turn out exactly as I thought and that’s a good thing!

I’ll start with the second U-Haul. On August 12th, after a week in Catalina and a wedding, we headed to LA to move Sierra to Loyola Law. It was a quick trip! Zio Matt drove the U-Haul and I was grateful that I didn’t have to! Aunt Denise tagged along and we got her moved in to a beautiful apartment. A month later she is studying hard and enjoying the experience!

The third U-Haul was a cargo van that I rented to take Camille to school. After all my past U-Haul drama, I finally found Rodeo Rentals. The owner is excellent! I was supposed to rent a trailer to tow but I did not have the correct lights on my car so he helped me decide the next best option, which was the easy to drive cargo van. The bonus of the cargo van was the extra space I had to bring IKEA purchases home. More on that later! Camille got settled in and is all ready to start school next week!

So the dreaded empty nest has happened! And I’ve barely had time to think about it! A series of things have happened that have made it a little easier to deal with my empty nest!

Patrick took good care of me and that carried on after he died. The decisions he made have enabled me to have a secure future and I’m very blessed that this has given me opportunities. The biggest opportunity yet came in late June when I went into escrow on a family beach house with my sister and brother-in-law. This is not something Patrick and I would have been able to do but he would have absolutely loved it! I’m so excited about the family trips in the future! Buying and furnishing the house has been fun!

After our offer was accepted we began making plans. I gave up my garage to store the furniture we began accumulating, beginning with an epic Costco trip on July 2nd that required a U-Haul to get our purchases home!

We thought it was going to be a quick escrow but there’s always some sort of snag. So, after a lot of false alarms we officially closed last week, the day I moved Camille to Davis. The trip to IKEA, to get a desk for Camille, morphed into a three hour shopping experience, mainly to get things for my room at the beach house (see picture below).

On Saturday we packed up the fourth U-Haul and drove to the beach house. There is still a lot of work left but we mostly moved in last weekend. I was fortunate that I was able to take my computer and do my school work while I worked on getting everything hooked up.

I still can’t believe how blessed I am to be a part owner of a beach house. Sometimes I feel a tiny bit guilty that I am finding joy in life. This is not what I had planned but I am 100% sure that I have Patrick’s blessing.

Just in case I started feeling too special, reality struck and my Clovis house was semi-flooded when a toilet valve broke. I left paradise and came home to loud fans and musty smells! And guess what? It was not the end of the world and nowhere near the worst thing that has happened to me. Denise and Denny came through just like they always do! Denny shut the water off and Denise dealt with the plumber and the cleanup people until I could get home. I’m not sure what’s going to happen as far as damage and cleanup but I will just deal with it as it comes up.

I’m reluctant to share this next part because I don’t want to jinx it. Right after I moved Sierra to LA, I met someone really special. His name is Bruce. We are enjoying getting to know each other and he is bravely meeting my big, crazy family. His first introduction was a teNyenhuis family get together. And, he was able to help with the beach house move and really get to know my siblings and one set of parents. They loved him! Tomorrow, he’s going to the Boyles family reunion with me! He deserves more than a short little paragraph and I’m sure I’ll write more in the future.

So, it’s been a busy, crazy, wonderful summer. I’m excited to see the girls following their dreams and I am very blessed that the good things happening made it a little easier to face the dreaded empty nest! Hopefully things will slow a little more and I will have more time to write. For now, thank you for always being there for me! ❤️❤️❤️

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Visual reminder

I still reach for my ring, or the spot where it used to be. I rarely took my ring off. I was always afraid that I would lose it. And I would frequently touch it, sometimes unconsciously. I never really put too much thought into why I did that. Now I realize that it was a source of comfort. I miss that.

After 18 months or so I’m surprised that it still looks like I just took it off. If you look closely at the picture below you can probably see the indentation in my finger. It’s more noticeable from some angles. I’m kind of glad that my body refuses to erase this evidence!

I know I haven’t written as much lately. There are many reasons. We spent a week in Nebraska and I started a post there and never finished it. School has been a little busy for me. I doubled up on classes for a few weeks and it just seems like I’m spending more time on it. I kind of make myself crazy. I’ll pull up 25 different articles and then have information overload! I always get it done though. I’ll finish my current class in a week and then I’m taking two weeks off!

The main reason I haven’t written? The brief relationship I had really made it hard for me to write. There’s just some things that I can’t write about. And I’m really torn because I keep meeting guys and becoming friends on Facebook with some of them. So I worry about putting things on here that might scare someone away or hurt someone’s feelings. But the whole point of this blog is to be real and share what I go through. I guess I just need to figure it out.

It just occurred to me that maybe I need to meet someone who shuns social media like Patrick did! And as soon as I thought that I could almost hear him laughing since this kind of situation would prove his point about not being on social media! Too funny!

What I will say is that dating at 50 is different than dating at 18 in SO MANY ways. At 18 you have the rest of your adult life ahead of you. I was looking for someone who wanted the same things in life, someone I could raise children with. Now, it’s just different. There are things that matter less and things that matter more. And it’s a little more practical in some respects. It seems like just enjoying spending time with someone would be enough, but there’s a lot to consider. I guess I could sum it up by saying that Patrick and I created our future together. My future is now changed but some of it is still there. And the men I date probably have their future planned out. So you have to find a way to merge those rather than starting from scratch. I’m not sure if that makes sense but that’s the best way I can think of to explain it. And it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be!

So, I still need to write about Nebraska and also Patrick’s phone. Plus there’s a lot more coming up. Stay tuned…

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More adventures in online dating

If you are hoping for details about actual dates, sorry to disappoint you. My online dating experience has been mainly online, actual encounters with real people have been rare. In fact, lately, I have been on the dating sites mainly to have a good laugh! As a community service, I have decided to review a few more sites and give you some tips on identifying the fake profiles. Along the way, I will present my top 10 dating profiles. I’m including original grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

#10 – I am a classy and fun Man who takes pride in his family and self. He is the light of my life.

According to the Pew research center, 1 in 10 Americans has used some form of online dating. For those that participate in online dating, approximately 25% find a spouse or partner. I was surprised to learn that the National Academy of Sciences determined that “marriages that began online, when compared with those that began with traditional offline venues, were slightly less likely to result in a marital breakup (separation or divorce)”.

#9 – I’m a single father with my two little twins who lives with her nanny

Since so many people use online dating services, I expected that it would be fairly easy to meet people. For some reason, this was a little easier at first. Part of the reason that it is harder now is that I seem to find the same group of men, who are on the same multiple dating sites. I’ve either screened them out or they’ve screened me out. The main reason I am having so much trouble is that it is extremely difficult to find real men among all of the fake profiles! I suspect that there are more of them who are focusing on my demographic, the middle-aged widow. Keeping this in mind I am very cautious and suspicious.

#8 – I’m calm and down to earth and a well calculated am here to meet new people around the world.text if you look just good. I’m a licensed trader and into freelancing….there are lots you sure need to know about me

Since my last online dating review, I’ve tried a few new apps. For security purposes, I pay for a service called Been Verified. I need to have a real name or phone number for it to work and it doesn’t always work but it has been fairly reliable. If I can pull someone up I know they are real. I’m sure these guys would be a little creeped out by this but I need to play it safe. I also pay for Lifelock and I think it works pretty well because I can’t pull myself up on the app!

#7 – I’m cool gentle and humble man I hate lies and cheating I’m old enough to play games, I’m for real relationship. My job I’m a business man, My Company is primarily involved in the developing and processing of Rare Earth materials in the High purity sector.

Another app I have downloaded is kik. It’s a messaging service and I think a lot of the scammers use it. Apparently, it is used for human trafficking too so make sure your teenagers are not using it. I use it if I am suspicious as it is an easier way to message and I don’t have to give out my phone number. You can also download burner apps that will give you a fake phone number to use for texting.

#6 – I’m a man who loves her family.

I finally caved and downloaded Tinder. The reason I did is that you log in through Facebook and it will show you if you have mutual friends. This has helped identify a few real people but most of the profiles I find on Tinder do not have any mutual friends. I have stayed on Tinder mainly to collect hilarious profiles! I know a lot of people meet on Tinder so I think it must just be that the scammers are targeting my demographic.

#5 – Profile name: Phil_Magroin

I also tried Elite Singles. It has been a total dud. Most of the profiles don’t have pictures and there are very few local people. There may be fewer scammers but I normally don’t interact with profiles without pictures unless they are really interesting or funny.

#4 – Am a man of integrity and I respect my pride.

Let’s talk about pictures. I hate to be totally focused on appearances. The guys I have met all looked even better in person. And many of the guys don’t smile in pictures. I think if I were around someone a lot and got to know their personality I might be attracted to them for that. Intellect and sense of humor are also qualities that I look for. And I have talked to a few guys with no pictures. When they finally shared their picture I was just not attracted at all and that is really awkward. So a picture is preferred.

#3 – Am just a man that wants a woman that has a good sense of human and am a man that can make a woman enjoy everything she desire…But am a man with respect and I like talking dirty am also that type that like to be told the truth and I hate cheating, confusion and fake life

As you can tell from my top ten list, these fake profiles are fairly easy to spot. But there are so many of them so there have to be people falling victim to them. I decided to investigate and a lot of the scams originate in Nigeria. There are also other places but Nigeria has the worst reputation for this. They establish a relationship with the victim and then there is usually some kind of crisis where they need money. Or maybe they are trying to meet and need money for a plane ticket. A few times I have communicated for a bit with them but I usually give myself away. The closest I have come to being scammed was one guy who asked if I could buy him an iTunes card. I said no of course!

#2 – From a 22-year-old: Will you marry me? I can provide you with free medical and dental; lol

Aside from the poor grammar the other way I identify the scammers is by their profession. Most of the time they say they are in the military. They probably have no idea that there are very few active duty military around here, and certainly not generals. Some say they work for the United Nations. Then there are engineers, contractors, and doctors. They also seem to randomly select cities. I see a lot who will put the name of a city that might be on the map but has a very small population. Or the city doesn’t match the occupation. I don’t think there are very many United Nations employees living in small California farm towns!

#1 – I’ve a great sense of humor, no games and I don’t hit my woman

I don’t know why but that profile just really made me laugh! I didn’t include Jesus on here but, yes, Jesus loves me and this I know because he swiped right on Tinder. And he had a very recognizable picture! I hope that this has entertained and informed you. I have one last list…top 5 online interactions I’ve had. The last 3 I copied the conversations to give you the full picture. Enjoy!

#5 – Standard greeting from more than one person – “I will like to know you better”

#4 – your lips is adorable because the smiling on you bring out the real beauty in you

#3 – Counselors are equivalent to surgeons????

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#2 – I’ve decided to start playing along, I usually can’t stay serious for long though!

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#1 – This one blocked me shortly after the last message you see. I didn’t get a chance to copy the last interaction. He asked how the kids were and I said I kicked them out because they were eating too much. And he finally figured out that I wasn’t serious! LOL

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Dear newly widowed

I met a new widow yesterday. Our daughters went to school together and I had heard of her husband’s passing. We happened to be in the same place so I introduced myself.

It’s heartbreaking meeting people who have just lost a spouse. I know a bit about the journey they have ahead of them. I also know that there is nothing anyone can do to take away the pain. I gave her a hug and my phone number and it seemed inadequate. Here is what I would have liked to have told her.

Dear newly widowed – I am so very sorry that you are joining this club. None of us want to be here but we try to stick together. I remember when I was in your place. I was in shock and I didn’t think I would ever recover. I really wish that I could offer you some special words of comfort and magically take your pain away. I won’t pretend to have that kind of power.

Most people will not know what to do for you. Some of them will unintentionally add to your pain. I truly believe that most people have good intentions but they just don’t know what to do. When you think about it, it’s kind of surprising that death is still such a strange and uncomfortable topic. We will all die someday but it is sad to think about losing someone. Most people like to think you just say goodbye and move on. Unlike those people, you and I know what it is like to lose the person closest to you, the one who knew you like no other.

I’m going to be honest, your journey is going to get harder before it gets better. I wish that weren’t the case but you are in shock right now. When that wears off you will feel your loss even more. This is normal. Give yourself a break and just allow some time to grieve. Don’t let anyone give you rules or a timeframe. We all handle it differently and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

I do believe that our loved ones would want us to move forward and live the best life possible. It’s hard to imagine doing that without them but I’m trying to make my life meaningful as a tribute to the love we shared. You will find what works for you.

I can’t promise that the pain will go away but, for me at least, it has become more bearable. I still think of him everyday but it’s usually a happy thought.

Remember that you are never alone. If you don’t have family or close friends there are a variety of grief groups as well as online support groups and a lot of people who understand.

I’m so very sorry that we are meeting under these conditions but I promise to be here if you ever need me.

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Intertwined

Eighteen months and 4 days later and I still have outstanding tasks on the death paperwork list. You never realize how intertwined your lives are. I receive electronic statements on every account that offers them so I really don’t see the constant reminders in the mail. Things like bank accounts needed to be changed because he had one in his name only. You change the things like auto insurance, AAA, and Costco because it saves money, at least in theory. A few things were only in my name because I handled all of the bills. However, we always seem to make the husband the primary account holder and when this is the case you sometimes have to close the account. 

Today I called PG&E and it took me two minutes to take his name off the account. Such a huge task that I waited so long to do. I usually prefer to make the calls when I’m alone. Not that I’m doing anything secret but it’s kind of a sad task and I just don’t want to subject anyone else to this. Sometimes that can’t be avoided, like the time we were checking out at PetSmart and they pulled up our Pet Perks account and verified that it was in Patrick’s name (so I had them change it right then).

I previously mentioned the fiasco with our Amazon Rewards credit card and the fiasco that happened when I closed that account. When I called to close it there was a $72 balance and I paid it over the phone. Somehow it ended up being a credit so they sent a check to “The Estate of Patrick teNyenhuis”. There is no estate because he had no will. So then you have to figure out what to do with the check. Luckily I asked my fellow widows and they said to just call and request a new check in my name. I finally did that today and it was as easy as they said. 

I’m sure Patrick would laugh that it is so much work to get his name off things. He would find something like that funny. He would make a comment about it being hard to get rid of him. He would probably want me to emulate him when I made the phone calls and harass the people for no particular reason but I can’t bring myself to do that. 

So now I’m down to only a handful of accounts. One is the home loan and they want copies of things, which is funny since the title is now in my name. One of my credit card companies once wanted paperwork to change my name. So, 24 years later, that credit card says Danell Boyles. Maybe I will get around to changing the home loan, or maybe not lol. Maybe I like having these outstanding items? I’m in no rush. No matter what, he will always be a part of me. 

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One half of a whole

As I walked my dog a few days ago, I found myself checking my left hand for my ring. I’m sure many of you do the same thing. I wore that ring for 26 years or so and I’m not sure how long it will take to get used to not wearing it. My first thought was maybe I should just put it back on? And I imagined how comfortable and reassuring it would feel. But I realize that it is not the ring I am missing. I miss being one half of a whole. I miss my other half and I miss everything that he meant.

I try not to be a helpless female. I want to be independent and handle things myself. But there are just so many decisions to make and things to do. Perhaps if I had been single all this time I would be more accustomed to finding someone to fix the fence or clean the solar panels. The funny thing is, I know that all I need to do is pick up the phone and make a few calls. Really it’s more of just a mental block, that and just the fact that I know I would not have to worry about it if Patrick were around. And it’s another thing I was blissfully unaware of when he was.

I’ve kind of been in a funk. And yeah, it may have something to do with the whole dating thing! LOL I really do not like doing this. And I don’t really want to write about it but it IS a big part of my story. So I’ll give you the watered down version. I don’t want to be like Taylor Swift and write about every ex…WAIT! Maybe I do! Just kidding! There may be guys out there who, like me, are single despite being capable of being in a relationship. Maybe they are also widowed, or truly never met the right person. But I suspect a lot of them have issues that make relationships difficult. I kind of dated a guy for a few weeks. I say “kind of” because I only really saw him twice. I’m truly not sure of what the issue was but he just could not seem to find room in his life to date. I think he wanted to and he seemed to be interested but he was so used to being alone that he just couldn’t figure out how to share his time. I was convinced that I was going to use my years of experience and teach him how to make it work. And I actually experienced quite a bit of frustration when plans were canceled or never made. We agreed mutually that it wasn’t going to work out.

I’ve talked to a few other guys casually and a few nights ago I realized that I was already thinking of how I was going to “fix” a guy to get used to finding time to date someone. I’m sure this has a lot to do with my counseling courses but either way I need to stop it now. At this age I’m not going to change someone so I just need to be patient and find someone who doesn’t need to be changed. 

And now I’m sick with my usual sinus thing that will probably turn into bronchitis. And I hate being sick because it interferes with working out. But it has made me realize that there is no reason to rush this dating thing. If the right person is out there, it will happen. So I’m taking some NyQuil and trying to get some rest!

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FEELing

We went to Pearl Harbor yesterday. Dawan didn't go but texted me while we were gone. I told her it was hard because I just FEEL everything so much more now. My emotions are magnified at a place like Pearl Harbor. She knew exactly what I was talking about. We've talked a lot about how we are more empathetic now. I think the girls were affected too. They requested happy music when we got back in the car. Sierra said she had never felt so patriotic before. I'm glad that they got to experience it. As usual, I was thinking of the widows and families and how their futures were shattered. I know many of the men were really young but I'm sure that some had wives or girlfriends back home. I wonder how their lives turned out?

I still find it amazing that what I am going through is not unique. I hear new stories every day, yet before Patrick died, I was blissfully unaware of how fragile my perfect life was. If my writing has no other impact, I hope that I encourage you to embrace life, show your love, and don't wait for the "perfect time" to follow your dreams. Life is precious. Love is precious!

Today I am lying by the pool, enjoying a nice breeze and looking at the clouds for signs. If I see a particularly corny or obscene shape, I consider it a gift from my husband. ❤️ Mostly I'm just enjoying being here. I also FEEL other things more. I'm grateful that I have a good life and for the love that always surrounds me. I'm lonely, but it could be so much worse. I'm grateful to be in such a beautiful place and to have my girls with me. 😊

When vacation is over I'm probably going to be making a change. I'm not sure what yet but my next step will be volunteering or getting a job. One step at a time, my new life. For now I think I will just stare at the clouds and remember. 😊❤️❤️❤️

 

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Widows beware

Since Patrick died I have expanded my circle of friends and acquaintances. I have accepted almost every friend request I have gotten and I really feel it has enriched my life to get to know people who knew him from work or school. I try to be somewhat cautious because I think people prey on widows but if I can identify some connection I will accept them.

Social media is a blessing for grieving people. The Option B Facebook groups that were started after the release of the Option B book have been a great place to share thoughts. And it's nice when I can offer advice to someone who is newly bereaved. I've even shared some blog posts on there. So, when I got a Facebook Messenger request from a man who was also in the Option B group I accepted it. I asked him why he was contacting me and he said my profile interested him. I told him right off the bat that I was skeptical but I decided to see what happened. He told me he was also a widow and he had a seven year old daughter. Now if that doesn't pull on your heartstrings…

The conversations were odd and I almost asked him if English was his second language. Our first conversation was very short then the next morning he sent me this message.

"Morning” is a gud time to“Remember” all d sweet things & all swt.persons in ur “Life so Wake Upwith ur “SWEET MEMORIES To See ThisBeautiful Mrng.gd mrng"

Huh??! Very strange! I text very slowly and I don't use a ton of abbreviations. Spelling and grammar errors are very distracting to me. I don't think I could talk to someone who sent messages like this! So I didn't respond. Later he seemed to remember how to type in full sentences so I chatted a bit more. I started noticing inconsistencies between his profile and conversations. The conversation was still mundane so I wasn't too worried but finally I remembered you could do reverse image searches. You guessed it, he was a fake. I was tempted to keep talking just to mess with whoever it was. I was thinking I could tell him a sob story about being broke and make him think I was trying to con him. I KNOW Patrick would have done that! In the end it just seemed like that would be a lot of effort so I just blocked him!

I'm a tiny bit proud of myself that I figured it out so quickly! Part of me wishes I would have played along a little longer to see what the scam was all about. I'm sure that is just Patrick urging me to do what he would do! He loved telemarketing calls. He would try to turn the tables and pretend he was selling something. Or he might randomly ask for the supervisor. I wish I could remember more of the conversations but usually I would cut him off since the calls were interrupting our life. I also usually felt sorry for the person on the other end of the call! I was a spoil sport but he loved to mess with them!

I feel like I am stronger than I used to be and I'm pretty sure I would spot anyone trying to take advantage of me. But, now that I know there really are people who prey on widows, I will be extra careful. Scammers beware, don't mess with me!