The day I married Batman

Do you like the title? Bruce is probably tired of all of the Batman references but we definitely had fun with them! The last 4 months have flown by and I haven’t felt like I had enough time to really write about this. Today I thought it might be a good distraction.

The wedding turned out exactly as planned, well except for the one special request I had… but I will get to that later! I think I spent close to two years planning my first wedding and we pulled this one off in a few months! We picked Thanksgiving weekend so, of course, it was a busy time. It was also the first big holiday since we moved into our house so we decided to do Thanksgiving dinner at our house.

Bruce’s mom, Carrol, and his stepdad, Joe, arrived on Thanksgiving morning. This was the first time the girls and I met them so it was nice to have a few days to get acquainted. I also wanted them to meet some of my family so they weren’t overwhelmed on the day of the wedding. We had a great visit!

The night before the wedding Bruce stayed in a hotel. I was a bundle of nerves and I had planned to pack for our Minnie-moon and I probably would have found other ways to stress myself out! I sat up talking with Carrol and Joe instead and by the time I went to bed I was completely relaxed.

The next day flew by as I had my hair done by Gaby and Mia Castillo and Sierra did my makeup. Finally Cathy and I headed to the venue. Bruce picked up the girls after we left and they arrived a little later. Here are a few “before” pics.

Sierra, Bethany, & Camille
Cathy and I

Denise, Dawan, and I

When it was time to start, Matt escorted my mother-in-law Barbara in, my Dad escorted my step-mom Kandra in, Bruce escorted his Mom and Denny escorted my Mom. Then we had Sierra, Bethany and Camille walk in together, followed by best man and matron of honor Gavin and Cathy. I wanted the wedding to be a little unique so I entered with the opening to Prince’s “Let’s Go Crazy” and walked down the aisle to “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles. And I was very happy to be walked down the aisle by my Pop, Andre teNyenhuis. Pop made it clear that he was “presenting me”, not giving me away!

Pop walking me down the aisle
Bruce watching me walk in 💕💕💕

My dad officiated and made sure it was memorable by reading an entire paragraph for the ring exchange and then asking Bruce to repeat it! Bruce and I wrote our own vows. His vows included the promise to provide me with really good health insurance and I promised to never quiz him on my family’s names.

Somehow this is the only picture I got with my brother Denny!
Mr. & Mrs. Bruce Wayne Black!

At the reception we were toasted by Gavin, Cathy, Denny, & Sierra. Denny managed to include the Batman theme and a lot of crowd participation. We had a great time at the reception and then it all ended too quickly. I’m going to let the pictures tell the rest of the story but before I forget, the one thing that went wrong…. I thought I was doing a good thing hiring a charity bartender but I was disappointed with their service. I requested two special drinks, in advance, and they did not bring them! Anyone who knows me well can probably guess that one was Diet Pepsi. The other was Diet Mountain Dew for Bruce. So yeah, all in all it was a perfect day! ❤️❤️❤️

The Smith family
Our parents! ❤️❤️❤️ Dad & Kandra, Carrol & Joe, my Momma, Mom & Pop
The wedding party!
Our cake
#TOTHEMOONANDBLACK
Entering the reception
The happy couple
First dance
First day of our Minnie Moon and also my birthday!
#HAPPILYMARRIED

Joy

My word of the year never really seemed to fit. Yes, there are things I want to build on, but another word chose me. A few years ago I went on a field trip with Camille to an Asian museum in San Francisco. I found a book called, “Tidying Up – The Japanese Art of Decluttering”. Decluttering has been a goal of mine for some time so I bought the book and started reading it on the bus ride back to Clovis. Then I got home, got busy with life, and forgot about it.

I spent a lot of time uncluttering during the first months after Patrick died. Having the house more organized was good for my mental state. And making small changes in the house was also good. In fact, I think it was part of the grieving process. Making changes helped a lot and I wrote several blogs about it.

All the things we accumulate

Calming the chaos

Decluttering worked for a while but I was just scratching the surface. I needed more inspiration!

Right after I met Bruce I had a small flood at my house and my house has not been back to normal since then. Did I mention that Bruce doesn’t like clutter? It’s amazing that he can even spend time in my house. Fortunately I want to live a clutter-free life so that has been my focus. Several months ago I noticed a new series on Netflix called “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo”. I was intrigued by it, especially when I realized she was the author of the book I had bought! I began watching the show and committed myself to the Konmari method! I’ve probably watched each episode at least 10 times! I keep it on in the background while I declutter in the hope that it will imprint on my subconscious! 😂 😝 😆

The basic premise of the Konmari method is that you only keep items that bring you joy. Some of it sounds really corny but it has been a great method for me. It’s not a quick fix. You go through one category at a time so you have to be patient and disciplined. But it works! If you want to try it, watch her show on Netflix or buy one of her books! I highly recommend them!

I can’t stress enough how much this decluttering helps my mood and stress levels!

I had to pause the tidying up a bit because I am getting the house ready to sale. That means fresh paint and new flooring. So I’ve been moving things from one room to another, packing things up to put in storage, and getting rid of things. And of course I’ve found a lot of memories. 💕 And they definitely bring me joy!

Here are a few pics of my progress and some of the memories I found.

Before and after pics of organizing my drawers.

One of many trips to the Salvation Army.

Patrick at Footlocker Nationals with the Mikel t-shirts we wore. Thank you Lisa for giving us all a photo cd in 2004!

As I was deciding if this book brought me joy, a photo fell out.

This is my grandpa, and the picture brought me joy! The book is a keeper!

From Lisa’s cd, Patrick holding Katie! ❤️

Patrick and Travis at one of our 4th of July parties!

My newly painted front door!

Progress and a little chaos!

New carpet in my bedroom!

Let There Be Joy

And the birthday celebration continues! I just got back from an awesome trip to Disneyland with my best friend Shelly, her daughter Abby, and Sierra. I know, Cathy is my best friend. Fortunately I have enough love for two best friends!

I don’t see Shelly as often now but we worked together at Aetna for 24 years. I was sitting next to Dave when he proposed to Shelly. I rode the party bus to Vegas for their wedding, we both had daughters in 1999 and she suggested the name Camille for my daughter. We’ve had a lot of fun together over the years!

She was also here to support me the day Patrick died. In fact, when she arrived it lightened the mood when I introduced her to someone as my best friend and then looked up to see Cathy looking right at me. It’s been an ongoing joke since then. For the record, Shelly has several other best friends too!

Shelly’s birthday is one week after mine so my original plan was to celebrate my birthday at Disneyland with her. Then I planned my party and I just decided I could have more than one celebration. I usually don’t make a big deal out of it but I have to admit it’s been fun!

When I broke my ankle it almost derailed the trip but I ended up renting a scooter and we went anyway. Shelly brought decorations for my scooter and Abby made sure we both had Happy Birthday buttons. So we spent several days being greeted with “Happy Birthday!!” We also got two special desserts! Zoom in to see the Christmas lights and sign on my scooter!

Shelly and Abby are what I would call Disney Superfans! They knew the best way to go through each park and were a lot of fun! The scooter was a bit of a hassle but I would have been miserable any other way.

I can’t get over the contrast between holidays last year and this year. I know that grief is different for everyone, but for me, time has helped. I still miss Patrick and think of him every day but I also give myself permission to feel joy. And, aside from the pain of a broken ankle, this has been a pretty joyous few weeks for me. Last year I felt like I was constantly holding in the tears and I don’t feel that way anymore.

Sometimes I will suddenly remember something and it will be a little jolt. I’ll be honest, when that happens it would be really easy to just curl up in a ball and cry. I know that no one would fault me. I didn’t choose for this to happen but I can choose how I go forward and I choose as much love, laughter, and joy as I can find. I will still allow myself occasional tears or pity parties but I don’t want to live like that all of the time.

The holidays are a great time of year so let there be joy! I think we could all use some!