I’m currently learning about tests and assessments in counseling. I was excited when the instructor mentioned that we would be studying statistics since I really enjoyed my statistics class at Fresno State! Unfortunately, I have forgotten a lot in the 28 years since I graduated (that makes me feel really old)!
Math was always one of my better subjects. I did well and enjoyed it until I took trigonometry. I never took calculus. I enjoy basic calculations and geometry was fun but when the formulas start getting complicated and there’s a lot of funny looking letters and big words, it makes my brain hurt! Thank goodness the girls both appear to have inherited their math aptitude from Patrick!
Over the last few years I have learned that I don’t have to be an expert at anything. I can’t always figure everything out and I definitely can’t fix everything. We all just do the best that we can.
I will always be grateful for all of the support I got after Patrick died. And this makes me want to be someone who is always supportive and there for people. This is not always easy.
Lately I’ve felt a little selfish because things have been going well for me while others in my life have had struggles. I don’t always know what to say or do and suddenly I will realize that it’s been days since I’ve checked in on someone important. This happened with a good friend and I apologized that I hadn’t checked in on her. She told me there was no need to apologize, she knew she could reach out when she needed me.
I’m glad that my friend reassured me. She reminded me that I have a lot of friends like that too. I’ve had people apologize that they haven’t been there for me more and it always surprises me. I am blessed with a huge circle of friends and family. I don’t have to talk to everyone all the time but I know I can reach out when I need to.
I have friends that seem to know what I need without asking and I definitely want to be that kind of friend too. But I also really appreciate the friends who I don’t necessarily talk to all the time but they would be here if I needed them.
Many people have a need to “fix” things. I’m guilty of this too. When someone is hurting, I would love to be able to take away their pain. I sometimes agonize over what to do to make them feel better. Frequently the answer is that there is absolutely nothing I can do. I don’t like that answer and I try to think of an unexpected way that I can help. Or maybe I just need to be there, in person, to make them feel better. The thing I have to tell myself is this………
It’s not about me.
Me feeling better does not change what this person is going through. I may need to do something but….
It’s NOT about me.
So, my words of wisdom for the day:
If someone you care about is going through some type of adversity, be there for them. Ask them what you can do. It’s okay to anticipate needs. Listen to them. And know that there are times when we all need time alone to process what is going on. This is normal and healthy. Sometimes what you can do to help is step back and give them space. It’s that simple.