I still reach for my ring, or the spot where it used to be. I rarely took my ring off. I was always afraid that I would lose it. And I would frequently touch it, sometimes unconsciously. I never really put too much thought into why I did that. Now I realize that it was a source of comfort. I miss that.
After 18 months or so I’m surprised that it still looks like I just took it off. If you look closely at the picture below you can probably see the indentation in my finger. It’s more noticeable from some angles. I’m kind of glad that my body refuses to erase this evidence!
I know I haven’t written as much lately. There are many reasons. We spent a week in Nebraska and I started a post there and never finished it. School has been a little busy for me. I doubled up on classes for a few weeks and it just seems like I’m spending more time on it. I kind of make myself crazy. I’ll pull up 25 different articles and then have information overload! I always get it done though. I’ll finish my current class in a week and then I’m taking two weeks off!
The main reason I haven’t written? The brief relationship I had really made it hard for me to write. There’s just some things that I can’t write about. And I’m really torn because I keep meeting guys and becoming friends on Facebook with some of them. So I worry about putting things on here that might scare someone away or hurt someone’s feelings. But the whole point of this blog is to be real and share what I go through. I guess I just need to figure it out.
It just occurred to me that maybe I need to meet someone who shuns social media like Patrick did! And as soon as I thought that I could almost hear him laughing since this kind of situation would prove his point about not being on social media! Too funny!
What I will say is that dating at 50 is different than dating at 18 in SO MANY ways. At 18 you have the rest of your adult life ahead of you. I was looking for someone who wanted the same things in life, someone I could raise children with. Now, it’s just different. There are things that matter less and things that matter more. And it’s a little more practical in some respects. It seems like just enjoying spending time with someone would be enough, but there’s a lot to consider. I guess I could sum it up by saying that Patrick and I created our future together. My future is now changed but some of it is still there. And the men I date probably have their future planned out. So you have to find a way to merge those rather than starting from scratch. I’m not sure if that makes sense but that’s the best way I can think of to explain it. And it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be!
So, I still need to write about Nebraska and also Patrick’s phone. Plus there’s a lot more coming up. Stay tuned…
