Two Years (and a few days)

I wanted to write something to mark the two years that have passed. At first I had no words. Then I started and never finished.

We had a great weekend in Davis at Picnic Days and on the 20th we were happy and together. I took a few pictures over the weekend that I wanted to share. We were walking around Friday and one of the first things I noticed was the Phi Delta Theta house. When I saw a second sign, I made everyone walk back so I could take a picture of the house! Lol

The second thing I noticed was a book. Patrick used to always tease us by saying, “You suck!” But he always followed it with “love ya”. I had no idea there was a book with that title!

Then I thought it would be cool if we saw a street musician. I saw a guy standing with a guitar but it seemed like it would be too posed. So the first actual street musician I saw was the banjo player, and I thought that was perfect!

https://www.danellt9.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/img_1448.mov

The next day I noticed exactly one fraternity in the parade, and of course, it was Phi Delta Theta.

Here are a few other pictures followed by my reflections on the two year mark. I got to see my girl playing intramural volleyball and soccer. He would have enjoyed that!

I can still remember waking up that morning to silence. Silence, then surprise that I did not hear him in the shower or moving around downstairs. Concern, but not panic. I had no idea. It’s so odd thinking about the moments before your world changed, and the moments after. Before. After.

My life with Patrick before that day was so much longer than the two years that have passed since then. Maybe that’s why it seems like such a small amount of time. Just a fraction of my life. What will it be like if i live another 30 years or more? I think it will still seem like it’s been forever yet just yesterday when I saw him last.

The second year was harder in some ways, easier in others. The fog lifted and reality set in. I missed having my person but I spent less time crying and made more memories with the girls. He missed awards and honors, two graduations, and multiple college acceptance letters. The girls are truly his legacy and I know he is beaming with pride. I also ventured out into the dating world and have opened up my world to the possibility of sharing my life with someone else.

I would love to not carry this grief around with me. But I don’t regret loving him. I would do it again, even knowing the tragic outcome. I have loved with every ounce of my being. Rest In Peace my wonderful husband. You made my life complete and your memory continues to enrich it.