Getting through the holidays

Although I am kind of sidelined right now, I am more excited for Christmas than I was last year. Last year I didn’t always want to celebrate in ways that I would have with Patrick. I kind of made some BIG plans and they really helped me get through. But I know the things I did may not be feasible for everyone so I’m going to share what I did with some alternatives thrown in.

CHANGE IT UP

I started my escape from holidays on Father’s Day 2016. Mother’s Day came 18 days after Patrick died and it was really hard for me. So on Father’s Day I ran away. Really I took the girls and went to Universal Studios and Hollywood. I splurged a little on VIP passes but if you took a day trip it could be doable. If you can’t face the usual holiday activities, change it up a bit. Go somewhere you normally wouldn’t go. The novelty is distracting.

TAKE THE FAMILY SOMEWHERE NEW

On Thanksgiving I rented a place big enough for 30 people, filled it with his family and mine and we had a really good time. Going away together for a holiday was great. We all still missed him but we enjoyed being together and away from it all. We could have rented smaller houses or even hotel rooms. The point is, we were at a place where we would not be haunted by memories and we were together.

DON’T GIVE UP ON ALL OF YOUR TRADITIONS

Christmas was hard. We didn’t want to deviate too much from the norm. So, we did some of our usual activities. And they were made easier because the loss was acknowledged. The year before, Patrick had started a new tradition of buying a Christmas tree that was still tied up and “unfurling” it at home. We were happy to continue this tradition. And since he created it for us, it kind of felt like he was there! Luckily our first Christmas without Patrick happened to be the year that my family spends Christmas Eve at my sister’s house for one big sleepover. I was comforted by the familiar and didn’t wake up to a too empty house on Christmas morning. Christmas Day we also stuck with the Prandini tradition of gathering at a hall and enjoying raviolis together. I’ll admit, this one was hard. But I knew that everyone there was grieving, and not just for Patrick since we had also lost Barbara and Zio Angelo. Cathy ended up joining me there and that also helped.

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

I don’t remember exactly what I did on New Year’s Eve but I think I stayed home and I really wanted to be alone. I wasn’t ready to see other people get kisses at midnight. I wasn’t moping and crying, I just didn’t subject myself to that.

DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU

My final advice is to just do what is best for you and your family. If you’re not the only one hurting you may occasionally have to make hard choices to accommodate everyone, but outside of that circle, don’t worry what others think. Everyone handles grief differently and there’s no right or wrong way.