Take these broken wings

I still remember finding the recording of Blackbird on the day Patrick died. I said at the time that I believed it was a love song to the girls and I. The whole family has embraced this and it’s really special to us. I realize that the song is about the civil rights movement but for us it has always meant that he wanted us to “learn to fly” again. 

Last April that was hard to imagine. I still have vivid memories of telling Sierra over the phone. When your world falls apart you want those you love the most to be near you. It was agonizing to have her 4 hours away and I thank God that Denise was living in Southern California at the time. I honestly don’t know what we would have done if she hadn’t been. 

I worried about how we would survive without him. Sierra took incompletes in all her classes. There was no question that she was staying home. We couldn’t have been that far apart at that point. She had been telling us for months that she was graduating at the end of her third year. We thought it was wishful thinking but she assured us it was happening. We were both very proud of her! I remember thinking that she could lighten her load and take more time to graduate. 

When she returned to Long Beach in the fall it was very hard. And she was hard on herself. She reminded me of her 3 year goal and her goal of going to law school. I told her that no one expected her to stick with that now. How could we?  She was adamant about graduating but she finally conceded that there was no shame in taking a year off in-between graduating and going to law school. She could have done the bare minimum and still graduated and I would have been proud. She could have curled up in a ball and not left the house and I would have understood. Instead, she went back and did SO well that she completed all of her makeup work with a 3.8 GPA for that semester. She is waiting for two more final grades to be entered but she is on track to have three extra words added to her diploma, “Magna Cum Laude”! I don’t know how she managed to do this. She had more strength and determination than I ever realized!

I am so proud that she found her inner strength and not only finished school, but finished with honors! I know that we still have hard moments ahead of us but it’s a good feeling to know that your child has faced adversity and beat it. 

She really took the message to heart. She learned to fly instead of using her broken wings as an excuse. She thought about using those words on her cap but she didn’t want to use the word broken. I like what she chose and I think it was a great tribute to Patrick. 

Of course I shed a few tears today. It was hard having this moment and not sharing it with Patrick. I know he is proud of her and he’s with us in spirit but we all know it’s not the same! So, I had a lot of tears of sadness. But I also had tears of joy and pride. Sierra faced adversity and she rocked it! She is going to accomplish great things and I truly could not be more  proud of her!