With this ring

Today was another one of those bittersweet days. I had what I call a “non-scale victory” that was also a little sad.

I’ve been continuing to work out and try to eat better. I’m not really saying diet because I really want it to be a lifestyle change! I was always in shape during school but I lost that over the years. I’m not saying I need to be a size 4 or even a size 8 but the weight I have been at puts me at risk for many health problems.

If I focused more I’m sure the weight would come off faster but I’m okay with a little at a time. As my weight has gone up and down over the years I have always been able to wear my wedding ring. I just couldn’t always take it off easily. So, until today, the last time I took it off was some time before Patrick died.

I didn’t like to take it off. I was terrified that I would lose it. It was just the right size. If it were bigger I might have needed to take it off more. I didn’t pick it out but it was exactly what I wanted!

I’ve felt it getting looser but I wasn’t going to pry it off. Today it came off fairly easily. There’s a huge dent in my finger since it was tight! I left it off for now because I think my finger needs to adjust. I’m not sure if I will wear it occasionally or not at all. I tried it on the other hand and it doesn’t easily fit but I know it will soon.

I know there is no right or wrong with this. Some widows quit wearing their ring right away and some never do. There are long discussions about it in some of the groups I belong to! The truth is, I don’t like being alone. I’m not rushing out to date but I may some day. Patrick and I never discussed this but I feel he would support me either way. 

Of course, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this “non-scale victory”. Patrick used to joke that I was just trying to lose weight so I could get my ring off. And when I was able to, he would say that now I could find a new guy! And I would laugh because I knew there was no way that was happening!

I still miss him terribly. I don’t cry very often and to be perfectly honest, that is probably due to medication I take. I am able to cry but most the time I just tear up. Yesterday I was looking through pictures and I found one of him holding Sierra as an infant. And I felt like someone punched me in the gut! These moments don’t happen as often now, so they are easier to bear.

As always, thank you for reading my story, it means a lot to me!