Every day I look at the “On This Day” feature on Facebook. Since Patrick was opposed to social media he wasn’t on there a lot but I did occasionally mention him in posts or sneak a picture and I’m always happy when they pop up as a memory. I knew that I would begin to have a huge amount of posts in this feed starting on the 20th. I looked through them and the thing I said the most frequently was, “I am surrounded by love.” I said this over and over again because it was and is SO true!
That love, and the security it brought me, is what got me through the last year. There is a lot of discussion about what to say and do when someone experiences a loss. SURROUND THEM WITH LOVE! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Let me share some of the ways people reached out and surrounded us with love.
The day of the crash many people came to our house and were physically there for us. Others called or texted. I remember looking up and seeing Dave Cruce walking in with a case of water or something. Things like paper plates, utensils, paper towels and toilet paper showed up in mass quantities. People knew how large our families were and that we would need to be together and they made that easier. Dishes were done, trash was taken out, leaves were skimmed out of the pool, I didn’t have to take care of anything for at least the first week and really much longer.
Jim, Ineke, Jim and Elijah Wood did my yard for most of the first year. Denny and Matt helped often. Dawn Kuhl started a meal train and friends and acquaintances brought food for 2-3 weeks. Linda Crews did laundry whenever I needed it. Cathy Lamb did whatever I needed.
Many people sent plants and flowers. Other people sent cards. For weeks, getting the mail gave me a sense of normalcy. Sometimes, it was the only thing I did myself. I received a steady stream of cards and letters and I still occasionally get them. I really love getting those and I’m going to try to be better about sending them.
Teachers at Clovis East collected gift cards to a variety of fast food places and those helped a lot. Others included gift cards or money in their cards. Granville Homes employees collected donations for my sister-in-law, Lisa, to give us. This included $500 in Visa gift cards from one of the owners! You may not realize that funeral homes expect payment prior to the service, as does the cemetery. And, it takes much longer for insurance policies to pay. I have a new appreciation for the car washes and gofundme drives for funeral expenses. I was fortunate to have Patrick’s parents help with this and I didn’t have to figure out how to pay. Not everyone has that kind of security. At first I felt guilty getting cash gifts but I appreciated them while I waited for other money. All of these gifts helped out a lot!
We got a lot of really thoughtful, personal gifts too. My friend Sonia gave us journals (which started me on the path to this blog). Dawn, Tony, Logan and Tylar gave us meaningful bracelets and new ones this week. One day I got the mail and my friend, Denise Hert, sent me a personalized necklace that I now wear all the time.
My sister Dawan was in Europe when Patrick died. She gave me a crucifix from Notre Dame that was my constant companion the first few weeks and I also held it when I addressed the defendant in court. You can see my bracelet in the picture also. Dawan also gave the girls and I necklaces.
Carrie and Brian Brandlin sent us a memorial candle.
Sherry Fritts gave me a special poem and a wind chime that makes me think of Patrick when I hear it. The teNyenhuis aunts gave us a framed family picture.
Another really special gift came from Lucia Prandini’s co-workers. Lucia’s dad, Zio Angelo, died the day after Patrick. Her coworkers in Porterville gave Lucia, Zia Becky and Angelino each a cross wall hanging and they gave us one also. Even though none of them knew us they knew our story and what we were all going through.
People helped with the service. Lisa Boyles set up the memorial web site for me. Jill Holstein made a beautiful tribute video. If I needed anything, people did it!
The girls each received special gifts from friends, and Camille’s friends helped with the picture display boards.
I know I can’t possibly remember everything so I apologize if I left anything out. There are so many ways to help and sometimes the biggest help is just your physical presence or your thoughts and memories. I received countless texts and Facebook messages or posts. These meant the world to me. I’ll end by leaving a few examples below. Thanks again for all the love!
