Earlier this week the newspaper asked me for a family photo to go with my story. As I tried to decide which one to use I passed on a few more recent ones because I was not happy with the way I looked. I ended up picking the one we’ve used for everything. It was taken at Mikel and Melissa’s wedding and I really like it. Suddenly I realized that we will never take another family photo. Not that this came as a surprise but it’s just another one of those secondary grief things when you realize something else that is lost. And it made me realize that I need to try to take more pictures.
When Patrick died I was surprised that we had so many pictures of him. I was also very grateful. Camille’s friends and their families took them and made several large display boards for the service. There were a lot of good memories in those pictures. I took a lot of the pictures and usually didn’t volunteer to be in them. I’m trying to make up for that and take a lot of pictures with the girls. I want us all to have those memories.
Life is so much more precious to me now that I have experienced loss. Tomorrow is never guaranteed so I try to live with no regrets. Sometimes I can’t help having regrets about the past. I wish I had been awake to say goodbye to him that morning. I don’t remember when the last kiss was and that makes me sad. I have never been a morning person and he knew this so he never woke me before I had to get up. I was so used to his routine that I slept through it. So I didn’t say goodbye that morning. And really I have not wasted time feeling guilty about this. I have many memories of him and I don’t need to make myself feel guilty about this. I just wanted to share that you never know what is going to happen so take time to take pictures, hug your loved ones, live with no regrets!
I just finished my third class and I decided to take a two week break from school. Being a student is a bit more challenging than I was expecting. My classes are different from my prior college classes. They are all reading, research, and writing. Fortunately taking online classes gives you flexibility so I’m going to enjoy my break. I am still working on organizing and decluttering so I have several projects planned. I’m also going to be moving my blog to a new site so that I can do a little more with it. I’m going to try to add all of the old entries and add pictures that I originally wanted to include. For some reason writing my blog is really healing to me. The best part is that it has introduced me to some wonderful people! I feel like I might run out of stories at some point but for now I will keep writing.
I continue to be amazed by all of the lives Patrick touched. I love it when people share stories with me! I don’t want to speak for all grieving people but I am hoping that reading my story will help people learn how to reach out to others who are going through loss. It’s going to happen to all of us at some point. The main thing I want to convey is that there is no “right way” to do it! You don’t even have to say anything, just be there!