Today marks 10 months since Patrick’s death. I can’t believe it’s been that long and yet it also seems like yesterday. So many ups and downs since then and so many more to come. I made it through two difficult days last week and I think I only have a few more “firsts” left. St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, his birthday, and the one year anniversary a week later. I’m sure the second year won’t be much easier but at least I will be past all of the firsts.
Since we have had our final court date I will share a little bit more about that. My understanding is the man who hit Patrick got into an argument with his wife and left with the car. Over the course of 3 days and nights he used the car as an illegal or “ghetto” taxi (his words). His explanation of this was that people knew he had a car and they would call him for rides. He admitted to smoking meth during this time and there was meth in his blood. His phone records revealed very few periods with no activity so he was more than likely sleep deprived. He said he was driving out Shaw to return a backpack to someone who had left it in his car. Coincidentally there was a meth pipe in the backpack. He said that Patrick just veered in front of him and I’m sure he really wanted to believe that but the evidence did not support that. The detective did a very thorough investigation and determined that the driver left the road and hit Patrick. We assume that he fell asleep.
At the scene he was distraught and failed the first sobriety test. They administered a second one a little later and the second officer advised him to “get it together” and he passed. The conflicting results were the first issue that made the case difficult. When they found meth in his system we all thought it would be a felony. The problem is that drug intoxication is much more difficult to measure. In the state of California it’s against the law to drive while impaired by drugs but there is no clear definition of impairment. And ER doctor who has testified as an expert witness was consulted and he indicated that he could just as easily testify for the defense and that effectively ended the pursuit of felony charges.
I plan to spend a lot of time learning more about drug impairment and distracted driving in general but I also want to learn about punishment and deterrents. What can be done to prevent this type of offense? I realize that there won’t be a quick or simple answer but I appear to have lots of time since most of my future plans were destroyed.
Thursday turned out to be the most time we had to spend on the court room. I’m still not sure why but it took over two hours before they even brought him in. When he finally arrived we started fairly quickly and the whole hearing lasted no more than 15-20 minutes. At the end of my statement I held up the picture of Patrick and the girls that is currently my profile picture and then I played Patrick’s recording of Blackbird. I told the court that I felt it was a love letter to the girls and I but it could also be a message to the defendant, “Take these broken wings and learn to fly.” At the very least I thought he should hear Patrick’s voice so I was glad I had that to play.
Speaking was harder than I thought. I cried throughout and sobbed when I sat back down. The worst part of that was that I know it was hard for my family to see and hear. The girls did not attend court but I had my Mom, my Dad and Step-Mom, my Mother-in-law, all 3 of my siblings, my brother-in-law and two of my sisters-in-law, two of my nieces and 3 cousins. Plus a news reporter who happens to be a friend. When it was over we went out of the courtroom and I said quick goodbyes and headed to Bakersfield to watch Camille’s team win round two of the play-offs! I’ll admit that I asked Patrick to put in a good word with the man upstairs for favorable weather and a win!
I am happy to have court behind me but it’s a very odd feeling, kind of a reverse let down? I guess I thought it would be more of a relief? But in the end, Patrick is still gone. I guess I put a lot of energy and emotion into getting through court and I thought I would feel a big weight lifted. The problem is that none of it changes anything. We knew that it would never provide justice or peace but I was still hoping that maybe it would.
So now I need to continue moving forward and try to find joy. It’s not going to be easy but I’ve got to try, for my girls, for Patrick and for me. Thank you for the continued love, prayers and support, it really does make a difference!