I am cautiously optimistic that tomorrow won’t be awful. I haven’t been alone on Valentine’s Day for over 30 years. But I’m feeling okay leading up to it so I think it will be at least okay and maybe even good.
Over the years we went from the gushy, young love on Valentine’s Day to the romantic, sweet, appreciative and comfortable. We celebrated in a lot of different ways and they were all good. For many years we avoided going out on the actual day and really didn’t always make it a special occasion. More recently I would make lasagne for the four of us and we would eat on my grandmother’s china. I haven’t even done that in a few years. He used to always send me flowers but we stopped that expense by mutual agreement a while back too. I don’t think either one of us felt we needed another special day to show our love for each other. I’m not saying I didn’t love extravagant gestures but I didn’t really need them to feel loved. And I’m actually grateful that we didn’t make a big deal out of it. That will make this year easier for me.
I’m starting the day with a workout and I’m really happy about that! I am still loving getting up early and going! I am slowly noticing changes and I know Patrick would love that I was developing healthy habits. He would love the changes too 💪😉.
Later in the day Clovis East has the first round of soccer playoffs. I was SO happy when I realized I get to watch them play on Valentine’s Day! I can’t explain it but I love this team so much! I know that a big part of it has to do with the great time we had watching them when the Valley Championships last year and being grateful that we have such happy memories of our last months with him. The other part is that the team, the school, and the parents of Camille’s teammates and friends have been such a wonderful source of support for us. I never worried about Camille because she always had so many people looking out for her and loving her. I know I’ve mentioned this before but when I walked into Patrick’s funeral and saw the full row of the girls in their championship jackets, I cried. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me! So, I can’t think of a better event for Valentine’s Day.
If they win there will be a game in Bakersfield on Thursday. We also have what we hope is the last court appearance on Thursday. For the last one I waited in the cafeteria because I knew in advance that nothing was likely to happen but I had to be there, just in case. I have my statement ready and I’m reading some things the girls wrote since they won’t be there. Denny is also speaking and reading something Patrick’s brother, Daniel, wrote. Hopefully we can both get through it but I’m not going to feel bad at all if there are tears. I just want to have this part behind me. I know that Patrick’s love will give me strength to get through it. Prayers are appreciated too! 😊