My Life After Patrick

Christmas Traditions

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I’ve always heard that the holidays can be difficult for some people but I’ve never understood it. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. In addition to the fact that it is Jesus’ birthday, you have all of the lights, decorations, parties, presents and food, how could anyone be sad? Was I really that oblivious?

Growing up, Christmas was a big deal in the Boyles family. On Christmas Eve we would drive to Porterville and spend the night in my grandparents three bedroom house. This included their six children plus spouses and 16 grand children!!! I know that there were maybe one or two travel trailers, vans, etc but I honestly have no idea where everyone slept! I was a kid and didn’t care where I slept as long as I was with my siblings and cousins. On Christmas morning we would admire everyone’s Santa presents and then we would all open presents in the living room. I’m sure my memory is playing tricks on me but I could swear the piles of wrapping paper were 3 feet high! Eventually this tradition stopped as the family grew larger.

Patrick grew up with a more subdued Christmas morning. I’m pretty sure it was usually Mom, Pop and their five kids. The afternoon was when the magic happened. The Prandini’s would gather earlier in the month to make raviolis. On Christmas Day they would all gather and enjoy them. I don’t know all of the details but I do know this has happened every Christmas since I started dating Patrick. At that time Nona was the matriarch of the family and the get together was centered around her five children: Carlo, Argilia, Tony, Angelo and Barbara Ann. That grew to include their children, their grandchildren, a few great grandchildren and various adopted family members. The gathering is so large now that each family introduces themselves because it is hard to keep track of so many people!

There were times during my marriage that the thought of a quiet Christmas at home was appealing to me but I also didn’t want to miss any of the festivities. I always thought it was strange when people would discuss how much they hated going to their in-laws. We never fought about who we were spending Christmas with. We spent it with both families, every single year. One year we spent the morning with my family and then midday with the Prandini’s. Then we went to my cousin Keith’s house because his parents, Emma and Joe, and siblings were visiting. We spent several hours there then said our goodbyes. We got out to the car and Patrick asked why I wanted to leave. I told him I thought he probably wanted to leave. It had been s long day and we had spent a lot of time driving around to different gatherings. He said that he was having a lot of fun so we walked back in and told them we decided to stay. Everyone had a good laugh and we enjoyed a few more hours with everyone. I think this was probably just a few months before my Uncle Joe passed away suddenly so I was always grateful for that time.

This year the Prandini gathering will have 3 fewer family members. Other family members will be feeling the loss of extended family members. I know it will be painful to go there without Patrick but it would be more painful to not see that big, wonderful family. We will be surrounded by love and warm memories.

The last few years we have had a few new traditions. My family has been spending Christmas Eve night at my sister Dawan’s house every other year. We all get matching or themed pajamas and it is a lot of fun. On alternate years Patrick, Sierra, Camille and I would open presents at home and then head out to the other get togethers. I am so thankful that last Christmas Eve we were home together and had our last Christmas morning together. And I’m also thankful that we will be at Dawan’s this year.

A few years ago Patrick was helping out at a Christmas tree lot so of course he became an expert on Christmas trees. I wish I could remember the exact explanation but basically he determined that the lot starts the month with ALL of their trees. They unfurl some of them and add more as people pick through them. The longer you wait, the more picked through they are. So he decided that he would have a better chance of getting a good tree if he just got one that was still wrapped up. For the last two years this is what we did and we ended up with beautiful trees. The girls and I will be continuing that tradition this year. We probably won’t make a video like last year but we will try to honor Patrick by acting goofy and making jokes when we do it.

We will survive the holidays and make new memories but I’m not gonna lie, it really, really sucks! It still doesn’t make sense that he is not here and I don’t think it ever will. However, I am not canceling Christmas. We are decorating and exchanging gifts. So don’t be afraid to say Merry Christmas!

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