Since tomorrow would be our 25th anniversary I wanted to repost this entry from October. I hope it makes you smile.
As I sit in my family room I am surrounded by memories. In front of me is a gas fireplace with a chimney covered in river rock that Patrick and Dina installed. There is a mantle that Patrick asked Jeff to make. Currently it’s a semi-shrine with pictures I put there in April and never took down. To the right is a photo that Jenn gave us of Patrick and Gabe holding Sierra and Dominic in the hospital. Next to it is a decorative VW bus that Denise recently saw in the store and it made her think of him. A banister is at the edge of the upstairs loft and hallway and there is this odd ledge that is there for who knows what reason but Patrick found the perfect things to put there. An antique radio (with no inner workings), a music stand with music on it, two autoharps, my guitar and case.
Looking at the guitar makes me laugh. Patrick and I dated for 6 years. I can’t remember when we first started talking about marriage but we knew it would take that long to be done with school and living in the same city. After dating for several years he gave me a special gift for my birthday. The gift was a package of toy rings and he had replaced one with a small promise ring. Very creative! I couldn’t wait to see what he would do for a proposal!
The next year at Christmas I had graduated and was working as a teacher. He was 1 year into his two year grad school program. We were at his house and he told me he had a gift for me and he took me into another room and handed me a ring box. Finally!!! I opened it and there was a beautiful…guitar pick! Actually it was pretty ordinary looking. Seriously? Of course it came with a guitar. I became an expert guitarist which is evidenced by the dusty guitar on the ledge. 😂😂 So the wait continued.
Valentine’s Day came. I think there were roses and a gift from Victoria’s Secret. No ring. By this point we had been having discussions. He was in school, not working, couldn’t afford a ring. I was working full time and was fine with paying for my own ring. I know it’s silly but I had been waiting a long time! He asked me to give him the promise ring and he would give it back when he proposed. We could get a wedding ring after he was working. I didn’t like that idea. We discussed it frequently. One weekend he came to visit me in Bakersfield. I started in on him. “Let’s just go to the jewelry store. I can qualify for credit and you can pay for it later,” I told him. “Just give me your promise ring,” he said. “But I want my engagement ring to be different”, I replied. Finally he said, “Oh fine, it’s in my backpack!” I literally ran over, dug through his backpack and found the ring. I think he did eventually actually ask me to marry him before I put it on but he always said my greed ruined his romantic proposal! And my response was always, “Whatever!”
I am so grateful that when I am sad I have so many good memories to pull from. Today is exactly six months without him and I still can’t believe he is gone. Every time I start to write that is always initially my first line. I always change it later because I don’t want to dwell on that but seriously, I am still trying to process this. But I’m also moving forward.
A few weeks ago I received unexpected news. Aetna is offering early retirement packages if your age and years of service add up to 65 so I qualify! I am still off work and was trying to decide when or if I would be able to go back but I knew I would ultimately quit so this is a huge blessing! I still need formal approval but if everything goes according to plan I could be retired in early 2017 with extended salary continuation! I have already enrolled in an online, Masters in Professional Counseling program at Grand Canyon University. So I plan to look into volunteer opportunities that will help affirm my new career choice while I attend school. Big changes!
Six months ago going back to school was the furthest thing from my mind. Retiring wouldn’t have been an option. I am so blessed that Patrick’s planning and Aetna’s program are allowing me to make this change. I consider it a gift from Patrick and I am hoping that going into a helping profession will be a good way to honor him. He touched a lot of lives and I am hoping I can do the same.