Originally posted on 9/28/16
I found something else when I was searching in the garage. I found a box of things from high school and college. I am a sentimental person so I save a lot of things like that. The box mostly had certificates and sports award programs. A lot of stuff from my years of Cross Country and Track at Clovis High. There were also writing assignments from high school and college, poems I had written and some free form journaling. What surprised me is that I had forgotten how much I used to write!
In high school I spent a lot of time journaling or writing poems if something was bothering me. I think I continued this at the beginning of college. I met Patrick in the summer of 1986. He was home from UOP for the summer and I was on summer break from Fresno State. We began what would be a 6 year, long-distance relationship. Back then we did not have cell phones or email. Long distance calls could be very expensive and we were broke college students. So we sent each other a LOT of cards and letters!
I am eternally grateful that I have this written history of our early relationship. Right after Patrick died, when I was still in a semi-state of shock, I began reading through these. I would read a few at a time and I was sorting them into two ziplock bags in case the girls ever choose to read them. One bag is labeled PG and the other has a warning as they might not like the content of those.😉 As the shock began to wear off, I had to put them away. Some day I will read the rest but right now it’s just too hard.
As I read through them, it occurred to me that I would have enjoyed reading through them with Patrick. I think it would have been a great way to reconnect and reminisce. I have said this before but I repeat it often. I think one reason relationships fail is because the early days are so exhilarating but it is not like that forever. Your love matures and you become more comfortable with each other. When the “honeymoon” period is over, a relationship becomes something that you have to nurture. You can’t take it for granted. There’s going to be give and take and it’s not going to be as picture perfect as your courtship and honeymoon. We always seemed to find ways to rekindle that but I wish I had thought of the letters.
And the letters were not all hearts and roses either. One letter from Patrick was a heart breaker! He had been dating another girl at UOP and when he initially returned that first year he was torn between the two of us. In the letter, he told me that he loved both of us but was choosing her over me because he didn’t think he was capable of a long-distance relationship. I, of course, knew better and we all know how that ended! I truly had forgotten about this letter but it did not upset me to read it. That was part of our story and after that I was always confident in our relationship.
I know that people have been saying this for decades but I feel that writing is a lost art. We are all bombarded with constant communication. My children interact with their friends way more than I did but much of it consists of short text conversations, Snapchat stories and other social media posts. That doesn’t mean they are not close but when they eventually start having serious relationships (after age 30, lol) I hope that they also take time to record their thoughts and feelings in something more permanent than a text.
I challenge each of you to take the time to send a card or letter to someone you care about. It doesn’t need to be long, just let them know how much they mean to you. As I thought of this last night I wrote each of the girls a letter. And by wrote I mean I typed it in a document on my phone and emailed it to them. I’m a modern mom, right? I told Camille what I was doing and my thoughts behind it all. She said she would refuse to accept it if it wasn’t handwritten. I sent it anyway. I hope she forgives me. If I had waited until I found a card or stationary and then had to actually write it might have taken forever! 😊
The pictures below are pictures of a card Patrick sent me when I moved into our first apartment, shortly before we were married. This pretty much sums up how excited we were to be done with the long-distance relationship! I have so many good memories and I am thankful that I was blessed to be his wife!
