Yesterday I noticed the calendar on the side of my fridge out of the corner of my eye. Patrick liked to have it there to record important dates. I record everything on my phone and never use the calendar so I had a sneaking suspicion that it was probably on April and I was right. I thought that made perfect sense. In a lot of ways time stopped in April and it’s hard to move past what happened. On the other hand I have realized that I have a lot to be thankful for. I never want to say that anything good happened “because he died”. There is really nothing positive about the fact that he is gone. I guess a better way to put it is that in addition to all of the sadness, I’ve experienced a lot of good since he died.
I am extremely grateful for my family. The whole huge extended Boyles/Hatch/teNyenhuis/Prandini clan! I have 3 siblings and over 20 cousins. Patrick had 4 siblings and over 30 cousins! And they are all very close families. As you get older it is harder to keep track of everyone’s growing families and you just don’t spend as much time together. Now my immediate families have almost merged. Sierra and Camille used to have trouble keeping track of everyone. In the days immediately following the accident as we spent time with extended family they regularly quizzed me about how everyone fit in. Now they have a really good handle on it and have told me how much they enjoy seeing everyone more often. We have been having extended family get togethers on the first Friday of each month. Family was very important to Patrick and we all agree that he would be very happy that we are spending more time together.
The girls and I have also learned a lot about how Patrick spent his days at work. He was very well loved by patients and co-workers. I was particularly surprised at how many people “got” his crazy sense of humor. He did drive some of them crazy and I’ve enjoyed hearing those stories too! I could really commiserate with his office manager Jennifer who tried to keep him in line during the day since I wasn’t around to do it. We knew he was good at his job but I am so happy that my girls now have so much evidence of that.
Sierra, Camille and I have discovered inner strength that we didn’t know we had. Camille was a rock and went back to school the week after the service. She finished her school year by excelling at her AP tests and doing extremely well on the SAT. Basically she did exactly what her dad would have done. Sierra became my protector and sounding board. In the week after the service we went back to Long Beach to move her home. While there she interviewed for a spot on the Moot Court team and was selected. The CSULB team is very successful and she will get to travel with them to tournaments, including one here in Fresno. This will help her as she prepares to apply to law school.
I have found an increased sense of confidence. For years I have felt that I failed at teaching and didn’t always feel I had purpose at my current insurance job. I really would not have thought I could get through something like this. I have discovered that staying calm in a traumatic situation is actually a strength I possess. I am currently researching how I might use that in a future career. I am beginning to make plans to return to school, probably in psychology or counseling. This was not in my plans at all prior to this and it’s a little exciting!
I also continue to appreciate the fact that I had close to 30 years with this wonderful man! Many people don’t ever get to experience the kind of relationship we had. When I start getting sad I just try to pull up one of the many, many happy memories I have and that usually gets me through.
Every day is still really hard but I am really grateful that there are occasional bright spots!