Don’t avoid the discussions – 8/31/16

Today’s PSA is for all of you married couples who know you need a will but you’re not planning on dying so no rush, right? You’ll do it someday. Who wants to talk about death? That’s no fun!Guess when it’s REALLY not fun to talk about it? When you no longer have the chance to discuss it with your spouse! 

So first, let’s talk about the will. We did not have wills. And in this situation it hasn’t really presented any problems. We were both each other’s beneficiaries so it wasn’t that complicated. However, if something had happened to both of us it would have been more difficult for the girls. Honestly I didn’t even know about everything that was out there. There was a VA pension that his former coworkers told me about and I discovered that I was paying for an AD&D policy in addition to the one he had. I am now going through the process of finalizing my will. Not only will it say what I want to do with everything but it will also be a record of all the important information. I am paying to have it done because my brain is scrambled, but there are a lot of websites where you can do it yourself and just get it notarized. So don’t procrastinate on this! Especially if you have kids!

Next, final wishes/funeral plans. Again, not a fun conversation. I’m actually kind of glad we didn’t have this in writing. Patrick hated funerals. He didn’t want any money spent on him. Put him in a cardboard box, etc. To be clear, when we did discuss this I pretty much told him that if he died first I would do whatever the heck I wanted. I told him that funerals were for the living. If we had a long life together then I probably would have been fine with doing it differently but in an unexpected and tragic situation you are looking for what seems best for those who are left behind. So, have this conversation. Try to honor each other’s wishes but maybe give your spouse your blessing to do what comforts them the most?

I also suggest that you take a look at what each of you handle in the household. For example I paid all of the bills and just about everything was electronic. Patrick would have had no clue what to do if I had died first. I did have an agreement with my friend Lisa that we would help each other’s spouses through this scenario but I never gave her important info so it still would have been a nightmare! And figuring out the swimming pool has been a bit of a nightmare for me. I am happy to say I think I have a handle on it now but I wish I had spent more time with him learning how to do all the outside things. 

So please, have the uncomfortable conversations! And do it sooner rather than later. Patrick knew a lot of things that would have made things easier for me. I am slowly figuring it out but if you can, just handle it now!