The day I have been dreading arrived. August 20th, four months since life changed forever. Four months that we have been a family of three. And now it’s time for school to start which means Sierra is back in Long Beach.
For the last four months I have wanted to keep my girls close all the time. The day after the accident the girls each went to hang out with friends. I sat in the front yard with various family members while they were gone. Suddenly I heard sirens. I immediately asked someone to please check in with my kids. They were fine. After they came home I told them that if they ever hear sirens they need to check in with me! I know I can’t keep them close forever but the thought of anything happening to them terrifies me.
I don’t think there is ever an easy age to lose a parent and there’s no right or wrong way to handle it. I am so proud of my girls. I know they are hurting too but they have been so supportive of me and each other. I know they share my belief that Patrick would not want us to be sad so one of the many legacies he left us was the ability to be able to cope with this.
Not that this will ever be easy! Tonight I faced the fact that I needed to do real grocery shopping. The kind with a list and everything! Camille is back in school and we need to have some sort of routine. I am fully capable of grocery shopping. The thing is, he did most of the grocery shopping for the last 10-15 years. And, like everything he did, he had it down to a science. He didn’t like to buy extra because he didn’t want to be wasteful. I used to laugh at our discussions about bananas. I would ask for bananas and he would tell me how many went uneaten from the week before. We would have negotiations and I would have to agree to try to eat more bananas. You would think that healthy Patrick would want to keep healthy foods on hand “just in case”. Go figure!
So I made a list and Camille added to it. And I cried a little and she gave me a big hug. Someday I will be able to do routine things without constant reminders. I don’t ever want to forget him but I am hoping it will get easier to remember.
For now we are just taking it one day at a time. I made it through another dreaded first so I think I am good until maybe Halloween. That will be a story for another day.