Patrick was always good with kids. I noticed this when we were dating and I always knew he would be a great father. He wasn’t as comfortable around babies and always said that he wouldn’t hold them until they could pass the “3 foot drop test”! Of course I always wanted to be a Mom and I knew it would be part of the “Happily Ever After” that I envisioned with Patrick.
Patrick and I dated for 6 years so I really didn’t expect any surprises when we did our Engaged Encounter weekend that was required by our church. As part of the weekend we each had a notebook. We were given sets of questions that we would answer individually and then we would meet and exchange notebooks. One of the questions was, “How many kids do you want and when?” I put two to three in 4 to 5 years. Patrick put NONE EVER. I pulled the priest over to discuss this because it was kind of a deal breaker for me and how in the heck did I date him for 6 years and miss this???!!!
Patrick admitted that he was afraid that he wouldn’t be a good parent. I imagine that he probably thought there was no way he could ever measure up to his parents because they are pretty awesome! I don’t know why he didn’t realize that they had already taught him everything he needed to know!
We talked with the priest and basically agreed that he would probably be ok with having kids eventually.
I need to clarify that the eulogy kind of made it sound like I tricked him into fatherhood, that was not the case. It did take a while to bring him around but our first child did arrive in 4 years as part of my master plan. Lol
As he warmed up to the prospect of being a father I remember him having a very serious discussion with me about the type of parents we would be. He said, “I think that in every family one parent needs to be the disciplinarian and one needs to be the clown.” I’m sure you can guess which one he planned to be!
By the time we made the decision to start a family he was 100% on board and never looked back. He still worried about the 3 foot drop test but when they handed Sierra to him that was completely forgotten. When we brought her home he got up with her during the night, changed her diaper, swaddled her like a pro and then brought her to me to nurse. Many women told me that this was not normal behavior but this was just the kind of husband and father that he was. He also bought a cookbook and made all of the baby food from scratch!
When I was pregnant with Camille he really wanted another daughter to dote on and his wish came true. When she was two months old I had to go on a business trip for 3 days. Many people asked if I was worried about him being on his own with the kids and that always made me laugh. He joked that it was easy because he had one less person to take care of and this was probably true! He had the parent thing down and I never worried!
Throughout their childhood I have to say the most important thing to us was just to love them and enjoy time with them. Neither one of us ended up being much of a disciplinarian and we were always surprised that they turned out okay in spite of this.
As they got older we had a lot of conversations where we talked about how amazing they were and how proud we were of them. He liked to say that he had no idea why they turned out so well because we were crappy parents! I agreed that we couldn’t take a lot of credit, lol!
He did fulfill his promise to be the clown and thank god the girls and I have many memories of that! I’m very grateful that he was around for most of their childhood. Next year will be particularly hard when Camille graduates from high school and Sierra graduates from CSULB. I know he would be so proud! I cried when I heard how well Camille had done on a recent test. I remarked to Barbara that he would be so proud and she reminded me, “He knows”.
So I will keep that in mind as I keep trying to move forward. I am 100% confident that he wants us to be happy and have a good life. I’m trying really hard to keep the humor alive and luckily the “clown” taught his daughters all his tricks so there are a lot of smiles and laughter around here!